All too often, a good relationship downgrades into a ho-hum affair because we fail to keep up the spontaneity and interest that comes with a new love. Worse yet, even the most well-intentioned people get stumped at how to show they care for their loved one after the honeymoon ends. Little acts that once felt so rich with romance – sweet gestures like whispering “I love you,” sharing a nice dinner, or bringing home flowers – begin to lose their potency.
While these are nice gestures that signal our love for our partners, their impact wanes if they’re the only ways we show our lover how much we care for and desire them.
In a love relationship, the things that seem counter-intuitive to everyday intimacy are the very same things that fuel real romance. Desire requires distance, surprise, vulnerability, adventure, and play. Desire for your partner gets red-hot when you’re attentive to all the wonderful things that make your loved one different and unique.
On the other hand, things like continuity and familiarity are essential to intimacy and are so important in creating a sense of safety in relationships.
So to create and sustain a great relationship – one that’s full of passionate, erotic and compassionate connection – you need to flex your creativity and make your partner someone you’re really curious about. The best part is that when you get curious about your loved one, it’ll be easy and fun to come up with creative ways to lavish them with love.
Don’t know where to start? Try these on for size!
1. Get Your Poetic Flow On
- Inspiration is within reach most of the time. So, cozy up to your inner-bard and write a poem about your partner. See if you can capture what you love about them in this expressive form. If you brainstorm adjectives, qualities or feeling you associate with this person, you’ll quickly create phrases that inspire you and tap into the initial wonder you felt when you first fell in love with your partner. If a poem seems too high-stakes, then why not write your partner a love letter that expresses some of the things about them that you find wonderful and desirable.
Then, take a risk! Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Share your poem or letter with your paramour and notice how it makes each of you feel. The reality is that vulnerability opens the door to greater emotional intimacy.
2. Shout Out the Tiny, Beautiful Things That Make Your Partner Shine
- Okay. Really want to turn your partner on? It’s time to call attention to the million little things about your partner that no one else knows but you. When we fall in love, we notice all these little details about the other person. We’re enamored by the way they drink their coffee or the way their hair looks first thing in the morning.
- Yet soon into a new relationship, those delicious little details become familiar and so we cease to see them as remarkable.
- The thing is that these little wonderful things about your partner did not suddenly become less wonderful – it’s that you’ve ceased to be wow’d by all the things that make your partner them! It’s so important to look at our beloved with fresh eyes and to delight in all the little idiosyncrasies that increase our feelings of love.
- Want bonus points? Lovingly share all the things about your partner that you find captivating and attractive. Let them know how he or she is truly special to you. Trust me, this will make BOTH of you feel great.
3. For One Night, Get Indulgent
- If your version of a nice time with your lover is the classic wine and dine scenario, TAKE IT UP A NOTCH!
- For one night, design a fantastic, and yes decadent experience for your love. Or, get adventurous and create a totally new experience for the two of you to share based on something your partner loves.
- For example, take a bubble bath with candlelight, wine, chocolate, the smell of jasmine and opera music. Or, walk in the woods bundled in soft fabrics and take turns telling each other about the beautiful things you see.
- The thing is that little adventures have this way of turning you on and making you feel really alive. And this, my friends, is what passion is all about.
4. Get Busy Giving
- Tap into your inspiration and find something – or make something – that will let another person know how special they are to you.
- When you think about bringing pleasure to someone else’s life, you naturally think creatively and playfully about what’s in the world and how to use it. And even better, when you give a gift your heart opens up and you feel satisfied on a deeper level.
It’s too easy to let days slip by where we’re distracted from what matters most. So challenge yourself to spend an hour each week doing one of these activities. It won’t take long before you’ll feel more connected to your beloved and more passionate about your relationship.
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