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Archive For January 27, 2015

How Do You Choose?

On my radio show last week, a woman called in and asked “How can I know what is the right way to move forward?” Which argument from her mind can she trust when she can make so many different arguments to go in one direction or another?

This is such a good question! Our minds can confuse us to no end. So, how can we find our way out of this confusion into clarity about how to move forward?

We need to learn to live from our core.

One way to define the core (a term that comes from Core Energetics) is that it is the deepest part of ourselves that we have access to. In Core Energetics, they teach that there are three aspects of the self: the mask, lower self and core self. The mask is our persona. The face we put on for the world so that we can get along. Our lower self is the part of us that runs on animal instinct. This is fight, flight or freeze. It is about survival in a primal sense. Our core self on the other hand is best understood as transcendent love, as our deepest truth and highest human ideals.

When you are more connected to your core, your path forward seems clearer, you feel happier and more at peace, and you are able to have a more positive impact. Think about it this way. Would you rather make your decision from a place where you are doing what you think you should or have to do, where you are angry or fearful, or where you are in contact with the highest truest part of yourself?

That kind of breaks it down, right?

So, lets look at some ways that you can connect in with the core of who you are:

Challenge your Mask: Most of the time we walk around in the superficial part of our selves – the mask. In fact, many people don’t even know that is where they are living from. You can challenge you mask by asking if what you are thinking or feeling is actually true or if it might be able to be viewed from a different perspective. The work of Byron Katie does a wonderful job of challenging the mask and reconnecting people with a deeper part of themselves.

Do things you love: It is a very simple fact that if you do more things you love you feel happier, more fulfilled and more at peace. The trick is to know if you REALLY love what you are doing or if you have just adopted it because it is socially acceptable. So, pay attention. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about this in his book Flow. This book states that when we are doing things we truly love we experience things like time disappearing because we are so engrossed in what we are doing.

Get inspired: From a beautiful painting to a sublime piece of music, we connect with our core when we are inspired. This effortless way of returning to our core can be used frequently through our days and weeks to nurture this connection.

Know your values: When we are in integrity with ourselves, we are more connected to the core of who we are. One of the things that I teach in my programs is that there are no methods or rules that guarantee a person fulfillment and success because each one of us needs to create a life and or business that is in alignment with who we are at a deep level and our values help us do this.

Return to love: The most challenging and most profoundly life-changing strategy for connecting with your core is simply returning to love when you have left it behind. This requires that you are experienced enough with feeling deep love and that you are aware enough to switch gears at will. This is also a central teaching in my work. I believe that as people learn to do this their life becomes infinitely better.

Speaker, Author and Mentor Dr. Kate Siner has been helping people connect to their core and live inspired lives for over 15 years. Join Kate on her weekly radio show Real Answers, Thursdays at 9am PST to get answers to your most important questions on how to live a fulfilled and joy filled life.

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Authentic Happiness: 3 Simple Steps to Find the Courage to Be Yourself

We all have flashes of inspiration. Sometimes they appear as quiet whispers in the night, as fleeting thoughts in the morning shower or as huge “a-ha!” moments. The question is: Are you giving enough attention to the clues that your inner voice is sending? How can you get more attuned to the inner directives? Here are three ways to get started.

1) Knowledge Is Power
Socrates said it best: “Know Thyself.” This includes understanding what makes you feel alive, what captures your imagination, and also what comes naturally to you. Knowing your strengths is a huge advantage. If you have a great sense of humor, creativity or an ability to communicate easily with people, then you can build on those qualities to create your best life. By focusing on enhancing your strengths rather than trying to make up for your weaknesses, you can move more quickly in your desired direction and have fun in the process. Ask a few friends what they see as your strengths, and do the same for them. You may be surprised!

2) Get Into The Flow
Have you ever been so caught up in an activity that the hours fly by in what seemed like minutes? This is called being in a flow state. According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, flow can happen when you’re totally immersed in what you are doing and feeling both serene and connected. This buoyant state can happen many ways, including when deeply focusing on a sport, writing a paper or even playing music. Yoga and mindfulness are reported to increase flow, but it can occur anywhere your skill level is equal to your challenge and you get totally absorbed in the activity. When athletes say they were “in the zone,” they are talking about flow. When artists refer to the music, art or inspiration flowing through them, it is the same state. Think of times when you were engrossed in something: your attention was heightened and you felt that everything was aligned. What if you made the choice to make more time for that in your day to day?

For me, yoga is where I experience flow. Although I never set my sights on being a yoga teacher, I noticed (and happened to pay attention to) an ad in the paper about a yoga teacher-training course. After checking into it, I decided to go for it. The course was one of the most fulfilling experiences I have ever taken on – every class was like immersing myself in flow. What are some ways that you can incorporate more flow into your daily life?

3) Embody What You Believe In
Once you know your strengths and where you experience flow, you can consciously tweak your life to include more of that. By stepping into your authenticity, you automatically come into greater alignment and a peace that serves not only yourself but others, as well. Gandhi stated that “[h]appiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Don’t underestimate the importance of your own fulfillment and happiness; it ripples out farther than you may know. Rather than rocking the boat by being who you are, you actually give other people permission to do the same. Listen to the clues. By being on the lookout for directives, you will start to see them everywhere.

Steve Jobs has an interesting quote:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life… Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

If you can tap into your intuition and inner wisdom to direct your passions, you can use that in your own life, as well as to serve others. Then, you will easily embody what you believe, and your authentic happiness will shine the way for others, too.

What are you passionate about in your life?

Randy Taran is the founder of Project Happiness, a non-profit that empowers youth to create greater happiness in their lives and in the world. She is the co author, with Maria Lineger, of the Project Happiness Handbook. Programs which grew from the book, make the best of positive psychology, neuroscience and mindfulness accessible nationwide and in over 80 countries.

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Finding Happiness In The Day To Day

I have to be honest about how I typically deal with my distaste for winter – I get the heck out and go somewhere warm!  While I will be making some trips to warmer climates this winter, I still try to find ways to be happier and more at peace when I find myself wishing I had three jackets on instead of only one. This – and any situation that makes us uncomfortable – is a great chance to reflect on how to find happiness with what IS rather than seeking to change our situation.

Of course, when we have the power to change our circumstances for the better, I believe we should take it (i.e. hit the beach in some tropical destinations for some fun and sun).  But, sometimes what we are experiencing in life is beyond our control –just like the weather.  When that is the case, the only thing that we have control over is ourselves – our thoughts, emotions and actions.  Here are 5 ways to cultivate happiness in your day to day life, no matter what comes your way.

1. Start Positive – The first few moments of your day make a real imprint on how the rest of it goes.  Start with a moment to be quiet, an affirmation, journaling or any other way that helps you start your day centered and focused.

2. Look For It – What you focus on gets bigger.  Unfortunately, we often focus on what makes us unhappy rather than the things that make our day better.  Make an effort to recognize what is going well and what you do enjoy.


3. Be Clear On What Makes You Happy – This may seem like a no brainer but it is actually something that we overlook.  What most brings you pleasure and happiness?  Alone time or social time?  A good home cooked meal or enjoying take out and a movie?  Becoming conscious of the things you most enjoy means that you will choose them more often.


4. Say “Thank You” – Whether it be to yourself, your partner, your child or a co-worker.  Express your gratitude for what is working as often as possible.  Expressing your appreciation will immediately make you and the other person feel more positive.  It also reinforces the liked behavior so that you are more likely to see more of it.


5. Slow Down – Slow down and savor the good parts of your life.  Pay attention when you are eating something delicious or really listen when talking to a friend.  Or take the time to notice what is around you on your daily walk or drive.  The more you can be present with your 5 senses and what you are experiencing, the better.


Life is always a mix of things.  No matter how bad a day seems, there is always something there that is positive as well.  Using the list above will help you to collect the good out the simple, daily events of your life and can drastically increase your happiness.

What to hear more on this topic? Join Dr. Kate on her weekly radio show Real Answers, Thursdays at 12pm EST. This week she will be further discussing how to find (and stay!) happy in the day to day.

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Success Takes Personal Development

The reason that many people underachieve in their careers is because they do not realize how long it takes to achieve mastery in any field. Extensive research in this area suggests that it requires about five to seven years of hard work for you to move to the top of your field and continued lifelong learning. This means five to seven years of focused, concentrated, determined hard work on yourself to get better and better in the key result areas that are responsible for your personal development. And there are no short cuts.

Sometimes people say to me, “Five to seven years is a long time to achieve mastery in my field.” This is true. But I then remind them that, “The time is going to pass anyway.”

This is very important. The biggest regret that many people report is that “they did not start early enough.” But the time is going to pass anyway. Five to seven years from now, five to seven years will have passed. The only question is, “Where are you going to be five to seven years from now in your field?”

The good news is that, if you set it as a goal, make a plan, and work on it every day, five to seven years from now you are going to be in the top 10% of people in your field. Through personal development you are going to be one of the highest paid and most respected people in your career. You are going to be enjoying the great results and rewards of the top performers in your business through your hard work.

Remember this. Nobody is better than you and nobody is smarter than you. If someone is doing better than you, it just means that they started their personal development on themselves in a certain way earlier than you did. And whatever anyone else has done, you can do as well. There are no limits except the limits you place on yourself with your own thinking.

The very fact that others have been able to excel in a field, after having started off in that field with no experience or skills, is proof that you can excel in that field as well through hard work. Your job is to put your head down, get busy, and go to work on yourself and commit to lifelong learning. Resolve today to develop the habit of personal excellence, and focus all your energies on joining the top 10% of professionals in your field. Once you do that, your entire future will open up in front of you. You will become unstoppable.

Commit To Lifelong Learning
Another key habit of thinking and acting practiced by top people is growth orientation. It is the high road to personal development and essential to developing the habit of optimism. This method of thinking and living is the foundation of excellence orientation, and is essential for you to develop if you want to move into the top 10% of your field.

Growth orientation requires that you develop the habit of continuous lifelong learning, the habit of continuous professional and personal development. Just as you exercise physically on a regular basis to remain fit and healthy, you must exercise mentally on a daily basis to become better and better and commit to lifelong learning in your chosen field.

Looking for personal development to take your life and your work to the next level? Email admin@projectspace.in and set up a consultation with Dr. Kate to discuss how to best support you reaching your goals.

Originally published on www.briantracy.com under the title: Professional and Personal Development through Lifelong Learning

About Brian Tracy – Brian Tracy is recognized as the top sales training and personal success authority in the world today. You can follow him on facebook and twitter.

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Creating Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is something that most everybody longs to experience. The feeling of a significant connection to another living being is an essential ingredient of your emotional and spiritual well-being. However, despite the importance of emotional intimacy to one’s emotional and spiritual well-being, creating and maintaining emotional intimacy with your partner can be oftentimes confusing, even a confounding proposition to undertake.

Just what is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is a type of connection that exists between two people. People create emotional intimacy through open and honest communication—specifically, by expressing to your partner thoughts and feelings about who you are, how each of you experiences the present moment with one another, and fulfilling the emotional needs of each other.



Does such freedom exist in your relationship(s)—the freedom to openly express yourself without fear of judgment or retaliation? If so, what have you and your partner done to create such an environment? If open and honest communication does not exist in your relationship, what do you and your partner do to censure open and honest communication?

Did you notice that in my explanation of emotional intimacy I emphasized that emotional intimacy is the result of sharing how each person experiences the present moment. This is a specific critical skill that can greatly enhance the quality of your relationship(s). Being able to effectively reveal yourself by expressing how you’re experiencing the present moment is what enables your partner to know you, understand you, and most importantly be there for you. That, my friend, is what brings two people closer and closer together—knowing who your partner is, knowing what is important to your partner, and the willingness to let your partner express those things to you!

Your ability to express your thoughts and feelings about how the present moment impacts you enables your relationship to continually renew itself and deepen the sense of involvement you feel with your partner. Emotional intimacy deepens only when you are willing to share who you are and be open to your partner expressing to you who they are? So when you experience your relationship as being stale, when you experience yourself drifting away from your partner, when you find yourself longing for the type of connection with your partner that is nurturing, take the risk of creating a dialogue with your partner that enables each of you to reveal yourself to the other.





Bridge Builder’s Tips
1) Reveal yourself to your partner by expressing how you’re experiencing the present moment.

2) Keep it safe for your partner to express their experience of the present moment to you.
3) Honor rather than judge what your partner reveals to you about themselves and the present moment. 

4) Acknowledge how you’re affected by what your partner reveals about themselves to you.

5) Express your appreciation to your partner for their willingness to risk exposing who they are to you.

6) Reciprocate with your partner by revealing who you are to them.

Want to learn more about how to create (and keep!) intimacy in your relationships? Listen to Dr. Kate’s next Real Answers Radio Show at 12pm EST on Thursday January 15th.

This article reposted from Alive and Well News

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How To Create (And Keep!) Intimacy

On the topic of intimacy many people might say, “What do we really mean by intimacy anyway?” Intimacy is both a familiarity with and a deep knowledge of another person. And in fact, the first person that we really need to be intimate with is ourselves. Our capacity to see and relate to another person is supported or diminished by our capacity to know ourselves. Therefore, I recommend that the following statements for increasing intimacy also be applied personally.

Ask questions: One of the surest ways to block intimacy is to forget to see the other person as a vast landscape that will never be completely discovered and instead through the limitations of your own curiosity turn them into a small and familiar backyard. George Bernard Shaw writes, “First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.” When we first meet someone it is easy to be enamored with them and intrigued by the person who has provoked such powerful emotions. However, most people forget to continue this level of curiosity and instead turn to telling the other who they are. This is a serious block to intimacy. At the point when one person thinks they “know” another person completely they have stopped the flow of intimacy.

Learn how to listen: Of course asking the questions is just one half of the equation. You also need to be able to take in the information and learn how to give it back so that the other person feels heard. Listening techniques abound. Carl Rogers, a Humanistic psychologist, was considered a powerful contributor to the art of listening with his concept of active listening. In active listening, all of the listener’s attention is on hearing what the other person is saying and giving it back to them in a way where they feel heard. Unfortunately this is not what we do the majority of the time we are listening. More often we are formulating a response or determining how we feel about what they are saying.

Suspend judgments: When you are listening to someone you want to be closer to, it is important to learn how to suspend judgments. Once we start to feel more comfortable in relationship we often begin to dissect what we like and what we do not like about the other person. It might be as superficial as what they wear or as deep as their spiritual or philosophical beliefs. As soon as we move into judging another person, we have put a divider between them and ourselves.

Differences are good: Frequently, we do this because we think that if someone we are close to holds a different belief than we do then one of us has to be wrong. This is a very common misconception that blocks people from being close to each other. While there are situations where people choose not to be close to each other due to differences, it is often more than possible to love and accept differences as simply this other person’s experience of their world. Why would we ever think that it would be the same as ours?

If you want to hear more on this topic or get your questions answered. Join me on my Radio Show Real Answers where I will talk on these topics more in depth as well as discuss additional skills for creating more intimacy.

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10 Signs Its Time To Let Go

Here are ten signs it’s time to let go:

1. Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else.  It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not.  Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be.

2. A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow.  If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to let them go.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  True friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time.  Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do.  Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time.

3. You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us.  We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave.  That’s what love is all about – freedom.  However, the end of love is not the end of life.  It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson.  If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it.  Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you.  Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait. 

4. An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance.  It’s about what you live for.  It’s about what defines you.  It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique.  It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly.  It’s about those little quirks that make you, you.  People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever.  But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.

5. Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.  When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results – a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life.  Either way there’s a positive outcome.  Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do.  In the end you’ll discover who’s fake, who’s true, and who would risk it all for you.  And trust me, some people will totally surprise you.

6. Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth!  When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back.  There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there.  Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them.  Let them leave your life quietly.  Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on.  We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do.  Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Here are ten signs it’s time to let go: 1. Someone expects you to be someone you’re not. – Don’t change who you are for anyone else.  It’s wiser to lose someone over being who you are, than to keep them by being someone you’re not.  Because it’s easier to mend a broken heart, than it is to piece together a shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space inside yourself where YOU used to be. 2. A person’s actions don’t match their words. – Everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow.  If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent and their actions don’t match up with their words, it’s time to let them go.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  True friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time.  Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do.  Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time. 3. You catch yourself forcing someone to love you. – Let us keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to love us.  We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave.  That’s what love is all about – freedom.  However, the end of love is not the end of life.  It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson.  If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it.  Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you.  Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right person, but the right person is always worth the wait.  4. An intimate relationship is based strictly on physical attraction. – Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance.  It’s about what you live for.  It’s about what defines you.  It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique.  It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly.  It’s about those little quirks that make you, you.  People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever.  But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you. 5. Someone continuously breaks your trust. – Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.  When you completely trust a person, without any doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results – a FRIEND for life or a LESSON for life.  Either way there’s a positive outcome.  Either you confirm the fact that this person cares about you, or you get the opportunity to weed them out of your life and make room for those who do.  In the end you’ll discover who’s fake, who’s true, and who would risk it all for you.  And trust me, some people will totally surprise you. 6. Someone continuously overlooks your worth. – Know your worth!  When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back.  There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there.  Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them.  Let them leave your life quietly.  Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on.  We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do.  Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?” 7. You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it.  Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets.  Life is not about making others happy.  Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others. 8. You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it.  Know when to close the account.  It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.  9. You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate.  Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.  The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart.  Take risks.  Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing will ever happen.  Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.  It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it. 10. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain.  Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time.  After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story.  So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences.  And the one thing you should never let go of is hope.  Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward.  Someday all the pieces will come together.  Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated.  And you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”

7. You are never given a chance to speak your mind. – Sometimes an argument saves a relationship, whereas silence breaks it.  Speak up for your heart so that you won’t have regrets.  Life is not about making others happy.  Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with others.

8. You are frequently forced to sacrifice your happiness. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it.  Know when to close the account.  It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect. 

9. You truly dislike your current situation, routine, job, etc. – It’s better to be a failure at something you love than to succeed at doing something you hate.  Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.  The best thing you can do in life is follow your heart.  Take risks.  Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing will ever happen.  Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.  It might be an uphill climb, but when you reach that mountaintop it will be worth every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you put into it.

10. You catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past. – Eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain.  Eventually you will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time.  After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story.  So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of new relationships and priceless experiences. 

And the one thing you should never let go of is hope.  Remember what you deserve and keep pushing forward.  Someday all the pieces will come together.  Unimaginably good things will transpire in your life, even if everything doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had anticipated.  And you will look back at the times that have passed, smile, and ask yourself, “How did I get through all of that?”

Looking for more guidance and support in your life? Tune in every Thursday at 12pm EST for Dr. Kate’s new radio show Real Answers.

article reposted from Mark and Angel Hack Life

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5 Steps to Clear Mental Clutter

Clutter is anything that gets in the way of what matters most to you. It can certainly be material—unwanted trinkets and clothes that no longer fit—but clutter also can be spiritual, emotional, and psychological.

Maybe you’ve found yourself unable to meditate or pray because you can’t stop thinking about an insensitive remark your coworker made. Or you’ve filled hours of your life with worry and irritation about something you can’t control. Perhaps you’re still mad at a college roommate who has owed you rent money for decades, or the memory of an embarrassing moment in your past sometimes creeps into your thoughts and leaves you cringing and mortified for hours.

These aggravations and other negative thoughts about people and situations can get in the way of an intentional life focused on the things you actually value. Regrets, anger, frustrations, anxieties, envy, and other nonproductive emotions may be depleting your limited energy. And, unfortunately, mental clutter doesn’t magically disappear; the only way to alleviate mental clutter is to deal with it.

1. Assess the mess. Physical clutter is easy to identify, but mental clutter can be more difficult. What relationship in your life is draining? What consuming thoughts aren’t in accord with the life you desire? What distracts you from being fulfilled spiritually and emotionally? Try this to help identify the clutter: sit in silence, close your eyes, and try to clear your mind. As thoughts pour in and distract you from centering, pause to write them down. Return to sitting still with your eyes closed. Repeat the process until all those invasive thoughts are on paper and your mind finally feels quiet.

2. Sort. Categorize all that mental clutter into groups based on how you intend to process it. Group it into categories like: I can let it go right now, I can research and likely solve the problem, I can change my attitude/opinion about it, I can make amends, I can confront it with the help of a mental health professional.

3. Plan your attack. Treat this like any other project: you need clear direction for your actions and a timeline for when to take the next step. Working through the categories you created in step two, write a to-do list of the next steps you can take to reduce or completely get rid of your distractions. For example, you might decide to set a timer and wait 10 minutes before responding to emails that make your blood boil, forgive a friend even though she hasn’t apologized, or schedule 15 minutes this evening to research family therapists in your area. Once you have solidified your to-do list, open your calendar and schedule all time-sensitive actions for a specific date and time.

4. Throw out the backpack. Once you resolve an issue, don’t stash it in your mental backpack to retrieve later. If you have forgiven someone, do your best to never mention the transgression again. You’re done with the clutter; be resolved to let it go for good.

5. Avoid future traps.It’s pretty hard to avoid mental clutter for the rest of your life, but you can prevent some of it. Look for physical clues—when your outward space is chaotic it might be a sign your inner space is out of balance too. Keep a journal where you can offload your small, daily emotional clutter. You might consider scheduling five minutes every day to worry about all the things you can’t control. Then, if an unwanted anxiety pops into your head you can dismiss it by reminding yourself, I’ve scheduled time to think about that problem during the bus ride home, so right now I will focus my attention on writing this report. Cultivate habits that help you identify mental clutter when it starts, and turn your attention to something more meaningful.

Remember, you get to decide what fills your head and shapes your thoughts. Only you can clear the distractions and focus instead on what matters most to you, so stop letting clutter interfere with your meaningful path.

reblogged from www.spiritualityhealth.com (more…)

4 Steps To Getting And Keeping A-List Clients

The Law of Attraction says that if you expect it, and you can picture it in your mind, you will create it, which is actually a self-fulfilling prophecy. The number one reason that most leaders sabotage their success is that they don’t take the time to get really clear about what types of clients they want to work with. And no, warm, breathing and having expendable cash does not constitute your target client!

Whether you are just starting a new business or growing an existing business, the above statement applies. Growing a business is about building ‘win/win’ relationships. The sooner you get clear about your expectations for clients, the sooner you’ll start attracting them into your business.

Here are 4 steps for attracting “A” list clients that will make a difference in your bottom line and stress levels when conducting business:

1. Get clear about what your expectations are for your target client.Paint a picture in your mind. What do they look like? How old are they? What’s their income bracket? What type of personality traits do they possess? What do they spend their recreational time? And how will you know them you see them? Answer all these questions then write down your observations. You need to make a ‘wish’ list if you will to get the perfect clients for your business. And like I said, warm, breathing, and having cash in their pockets doesn’t count.

2. Set clear guidelines and expectations for your relationship and your service with this new client.What do you expect from your clients and what can they expect from you? Providing excellent service may be a clich but it’s still applicable in today’s business world. Be crystal clear about your offerings and set boundaries of what you can or cannot do so there won’t be any communication breakdowns. Remember the saying, ‘Under Promise, Over Deliver.’ You’ll never go wrong.

3. Communicate your expectations to your clients at the onset of the relationship.Yes, I mean conduct a real live conversation. For some, this may be considered a difficult hurdle to overcome, but it really shouldn’t be. Breakdowns and misunderstandings occur in business relationships because clear expectations are not communicated and established in the beginning. By having one, if not several, actual conversations with your new potential client, you can clearly outline your values, level of professionalism and your commitment to giving your best to your client.

Another reason to have this conversation is to gain clarity about what they expect from you as well. By writing down and discussing what you need as well as what your client expects to receive from you gives you something concrete to fall back on should there be breakdowns or misunderstandings that occur between you.

4. Be willing to let go of the client.Don’t wait until it’s too late before you address breakdowns or when commitments are not being honored. This step also includes any areas in which you may not be able to fulfill your original commitments. Everyone values honesty and the sooner you address the issues as they arise, the happier everyone will be. If you find that the client simply isn’t a good fit for what you have to offer, let them go. Be polite and clear about the reason why you’re releasing them from their original obligation to you so they’ll not take it as a personal insult. Clearly knowing who your ideal client is will save you a lot of grief and stress in the long run.

While I know a lot of you need that immediate cash infusion into your business to keep it afloat, connecting with too many “D” list clients will only waste your time and patience – two items that are often in short supply for business owners. Quit wasting your efforts trying to mold a client to suit your needs. It’s better to focus your energy and attention in attracting 4 or 5 solid “A” list clients than to have to deal with 10 “D” types. By practicing active attraction, your peace of mind will thank you for it.

 

reblogged from www.vocationalplace.com

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Clear Out The Crap

I am not really one for New Year resolutions. I kind of think I need to be continually making changes and improvements throughout the year. However, this year, I cleaned closets, rearranged my kitchen, brought stuff to the Salvation Army, AND, of course fit in some time for both relaxation and celebration. I am not sure what got into me. It just felt like the right thing to do –clear things out and make room for the new! So, I thought I would spend a little time talking about how to tell if there are things that need to be let go of in your life.

The fact is if we do not clean things out, whether they are our houses, our bodies, or our businesses, things start to fall apart. Sometimes, this is a relatively easy process like the falling of a leaf and other times what we do not let go of becomes like a bad smell in the refrigerator –difficult to find and getting more and more unpleasant every day. So, how can we know if it is time to clean house either actually or metaphorically?

Our emotions are keys to helping us know what needs to go. Once we start tuning into our emotions, then we have a powerful tool for keep all aspect of our lives clean. The following are some examples of emotions we might feel and what they might be telling us.

Grumpy: Are you feeling frustrated when you come to work, does the idea of picking up the phone and talking to that “friend” make you grumble like and old mountain man with a hound dog and a shotgun? When things are healthy they are also happy. The key is to figure out whether you need to let go completely or just make some kind of change inside yourself so that you feel more in alignment with what you are doing.

Unfocused: Do you find yourself spacing out while reading that book or unable to complete an essential task? Perhaps you need to pay attention to what you are not doing. What I mean is that sometimes we have a difficult time focusing on something we know we need to do or even under other conditions might want to do because we are not attending to other parts of our lives. Have you had fun or spent alone time recently? Doing something you have not been fitting in might balance you out and increase your focus.

Sleepy: Ok, so, sleepy is really just bored –most of the time. It is time to freshen things up! What is the new way that you can engage whatever is boring you to tears? It could be an aspect of your work, it could be a new program that you started. Find out if there is a fresh way of connecting to what you are doing or let it go.

Overwhelmed: Are you cupboards a mess, do you have too much to do, are you over stimulated by your life? Overwhelm is the experience of too much or even chaos. You can even have too much of really good stuff but in the end the too much becomes a problem. So what can you weed out of your life so that you feel less overwhelmed and more at peace on a daily basis?

If you like this topic and would like to hear more about it or even have a chance to ask some questions, tune in this Thursday, January 8th at 9am PST, 12pm EST for my radio show, Real Answers!

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