Archive For April 24, 2017

How To Regain Personal Power After Losing Your Job

How To Regain Personal Power After Losing Your Job

Whether you lost your job because of a company cut back, a major mistake, or a personal issue, losing your job can cut to the core of how you feel about yourself and can seriously affect your ability to carry on with life as usual. As with any difficult time, it is incredibly important to take action that affirms who you are and allows you to regain personal power after losing your job.

This list of practices will help you figure out how to regain your power after losing your job, but it isn’t only that! This is a list to keep someplace you will see it every day — to remind you to keep doing things that will help you stay on track, pick yourself up, and move on with your life after challenges.

How To Regain Personal Power After Losing Your Job

Give yourself a moment to breath: Like any loss, grief is a healthy part of the process of losing your job. It is all too easy to move on too quickly and not give ourselves a moment to feel the impact of what has happened. When you bolt from pain like this it actually holds you back later on in life. Taking some time to grieve now will mean that you will be less likely to get really off track when you start moving forward.

Focus on what you did right: Without being defensive or negative, remember that even if you lost your job, there were many things that went right for you and that you did, in fact, do right. Take stock of how you were successful and effective in your job. This will help you to feel better and to better represent yourself when looking for future work.

Learn from your mistakes: Again, without being defensive or negative, take an honest inventory of where you might have done better or what you might have done differently. Any “failed” situation provides us with new insights into how we might change our behavior to get better results. Yes, there are situation that are totally out of our control, but it can never hurt to consider how you might do things differently going forward.

Get support: You will need support in many ways to continue to move forward: emotional support from family and friends, professional development support in getting yourself ready to get back in the job market, networking support in contact the right people, and so on. Independence and self-isolation are not the same thing. You cannot do this alone and it is counterproductive to your empowerment and happiness for you to try. Embrace the resources around you!

Take action: There is a time to pause and a time to take action. If you want another job, you will benefit from creating an action plan and strategy for getting a new job and moving forward. When you take action you will feel more powerful and capable in your life. This will result in both short and long term gains.

Reframe: Is the sudden increase in your free time after the loss of your job a benefit or a detractor from your life? Is it possible that losing your job is actually freeing you to find something better? These are the kinds of reframes that empower you to take action and make change. As bad as things are, try to open to the potential positive impact of every situation. Ask yourself, what is the good that will come out of this?

Keep your Perspective: There is no doubt that losing your job is a life experience that most of us want to avoid. Nevertheless, it is an experience that many of us do have. If you find yourself in this difficult situation, it does not mean much of anything about who you are or what you are capable of. Keep your self-talk framed around “I lost my job, now what?” instead of “I lost my job, I am worthless.” Avoid making this experience mean more than it does.

Stay the course: If you have a difficult time finding work after losing your job, keep practicing this list of suggestions. Each of these practices will keep you feeling more powerful in your circumstance. Do not worry if you have a bad day. Just get back on track as soon as you can.

8 Tips for Reinventing yourself After a Breakup

8 Tips for Reinventing yourself After a Breakup

You are sad, broken hearted, and your life has been radically altered. The person you have been spending the most time with is no longer a part of your life. All the rituals you had and the everyday exchanges that gave you joy are gone, as is the dream of what you hoped to create together. Every relationship we start has the potential of breaking up and we all hope that we will never see the day. Even if the breakup is desired, the effects can still be challenging to deal with and may leave you wondering who you are. Reinventing yourself after a breakup is a natural next-step after this confusion.

No matter how independent we are, relationships shape us. We emerge different than we were when we began. Some of who we have become we may love, some of who we have become may seem like a sacrifice that was not worth it, and some of who we have become may feel like it died with the end of the relationship. Sometimes who we have become is so far from who we want to be that we feel like we need to start from scratch. The question is, how do we reinvent ourselves after a breakup?

8 Tips For Reinventing Yourself After A Breakup

  1. Let go of loose ends: It can be tempting to hold onto memories, both large and small. Items that represented your love are often found in your environment. Plans you held together can still be floating through your mind. The more that you can clear things out and open the door to new things the faster you will be able to discover the new you and create the new life that you are craving.

  2. Be frivolous and have fun: Nothing looks better on you than laughter and happiness. The sadness of your breakup can weigh you down. The easiest way to counteract this heaviness is to make it a point to have fun. Try doing something that you have always wanted to do, but didn’t because you convinced yourself it was not practical or it was too frivolous. Create silly moments of novelty. Building moments of happiness and fun into your life will help you feel better about yourself and more creative as you consider redefining your life in general.

  3. Pay attention to how you look: You might be a meticulous dresser or you might throw on the first thing you lay hands on in your dark closet. We all have a certain part of our identity that is tied to our appearance, whatever that appearance might be. When we’re uncertain about other parts of our identity, like after a breakup, it’s easy to be shaken out of our usual appearance identity. Exercising choice by pushing yourself to put effort into how you look will help you reconnect with yourself and seize a basic and fun step in reinventing yourself. Looking good for you (not anyone else) is healthy and helpful at any point in time.

  4. Pay attention to how you feel: I am not talking about the sadness that you feel as a result of your break up. I am talking about the things, little and big, that put a smile on your face or make you feel good inside. If you want to create a new version of you that you like even more than the current model, you want to start to pay attention to what you like and what you don’t. The easiest way to do this is to pay attention to how you feel when you are doing things. If you are not feeling good, you might want to consider letting go of that activity and beginning to do things differently.

  5. Spend time with people who love the real you: Nothing helps you move on and feel strong enough to try new things like being seen by people who really get you and love you as you are. Take some time to recharge your batteries by surrounding yourself with people who truly appreciate you for all of who you are. Even better if these people are so supportive that they will also embrace the changes that you are planning to make!

  6. Spend time with yourself: Alone time is essential to making sure that you are connected with yourself and in touch with your emotions. Moving on after a breakup is not so much about keeping on the go as it is about a healthy balance of activity and introspection. Give yourself the time you need to just be, feel your feelings, and imagine into your wide-open future.

  7. Rekindle dreams: When we are in a relationship, it begins to shape who we are. Sometimes dreams we had as a single person get put to the side because they do not fit well into a relationship. Now is a great time to bring these dreams to the forefront yet again, and to create some new dreams!

  8. Don’t look back: After the grieving process is over and you have mourned what has been lost, there is little use going down memory lane. If you find yourself replaying relationship events, torturing yourself with “the good times,” or mulling over what you might have done differently, try instead to do one of the things on this list. The new you is waiting for you in the future, not in the past. The more you can embrace the potential of the future, the easier it will be to reinvent yourself.

Whether you’re reinventing yourself after a breakup or just because you feel it’s time for a change, try these resources for reinventing yourself.

4 Giant Ways Your Life Changes When You Find Your Purpose

4 Giant Ways Your Life Changes When You Find Your Purpose

While finding your life purpose may not be a panacea for all of your problems, there are four giant ways that your life changes when you find your purpose and start to live by it. These shifts can radically upgrade your life from just getting by to feeling like a super-star.

Finding your Life Purpose means that you feel good with the way that you are situated in the world and your actions in it have a sense of meaning to you. It does not mean that you have suddenly discovered that you are going to be the person to cure cancer (although that is a possibility). Our purpose is, more often than not, not one act or one career, but a greater sense that our inside self and our outer life are in alignment.

No matter who you are and how skeptical you might be that you have a life purpose, I can assure you, you have one. It may not be quite as you imagined it, but it is there. As you identify your life purpose and get more on track with living it you will see radical change in how you feel on a regular basis.

We get a lot closer to living our purpose when we stop thinking and start feeling. Step out of your head and stop trying to construct what your life purpose looks like. Instead, start feeling what feels good to you. These are the breadcrumbs that lead us to our purpose. The things that feel good to you are the components of your life purpose. As you claim them, little by little, your purpose begins to take shape. When it does you will notice the following seismic shifts in your life.

Ways your life changes when you find your purpose:

  1. More Engaged: When you find your purpose and start living it, you start feeling more engaged in your life. While some things may no longer interest you, the things that are in alignment with your purpose will become that much more dynamic. It will feel like you just woke up and there is a party going on that you didn’t even notice was there. If you used to wait to do things, you may find that you are now first in line. If you used to let others answer the questions, you may find yourself center stage with a host of answers.

  2. More Energy: As a result of living your life purpose you will feel much more energized. It will be easier to get up in the morning. You will find yourself looking forward to what you have to do and, at the end of the day, you will be less likely to crash yourself down in front of the TV or whatever numbing agent of choice you like to use. You will find that you have more energy to do more things in your area of interest. You will also be able to make more happen each day with seemingly less effort.

  3. More Opportunity: Living your life purpose shifts the way that you look at the world. Instead of it seeming like your goals are impossibly out of reach, you will begin to experience synchronicities that connect you with what you need to get the job done. As you continue to move in the direction of your life purpose, you may even start to see that the obstacles that you do encounter are more like markers that are guiding you in the right direction.

  4. More fulfillment: Even if you are living your life purpose, you will still notice that there are times that are challenging. The ups and downs of life do not go away just because you have started living your life purpose. However, you will notice that even when times are tough, you feel more satisfied overall with your life. When times are good, you will also benefit from a deeper, more fulfilling satisfaction than when you were not living your life purpose.

Think about what your life would be like if you felt fully engaged and energized, if you saw it as full of opportunity, and if you felt a deep sense of fulfillment, regardless of whether your day-to-day went well or not. The giant changes in the way you experience your life are worth cashing in on through a little investigation of your life purpose.

How to change your life for the better

How to change your life for the better

No matter how dark and difficult the place you find yourself, there are ways to change your life for the better. When we are faced with adversity, we sometimes forget how much choice we have. It might even seem as if choice has been taken out of the equation completely. After all, why would we choose to be in this dark and difficult place? Doesn’t the very fact that we met an obstacle mean that we don’t really have any control anyway?

To really get the most out of life, and to change your life for the better, you have to learn to differentiate between control and choice.

True control over the events of life is an impossibility. Life, by its very nature, will hand us a serving of difficulties – whatever it wants, whenever it wants, and however it wants. There is no amount of personal development that will give you control over things like death and other people’s behavior. When we try to control life – and inevitably fail – we are both unsuccessful and unhappy.

Choice, on the other hand, is something that we always have, even when we think that we do not. We have choice when we decide how we look at a situation, how we remember it, where we focus our attention, and how we shape our intentions. Even people experiencing the worst that life has to offer have reported that even in the darkest of times they still had choice.

In short, we do not have control over everything that life throws at us, but we have choice about how we respond to it.

Some of our greatest potential can be accessed when we recognize that we are at choice and we start making some changes to move our life in the direction that truly serves us.

There are two different categories of behavior that help you change your life for the better. The first is ongoing practices that you can do regularly and consistently to create positive change in your life. The second is about how you handle situations and how you can reframe a circumstance to move it in a more positive direction.

Ongoing tips to change your life for the better.

Learn what makes you happy: Truth be told, many of us never learn what really makes us happy, or even how to tell if something makes us happy at all. Yet, knowing what makes you happy is one of the most important skills for moving our life in the direction that we want it to go. If you are not sure what makes you happy, start to pay attention to how you feel as you do things. Do you feel good? Notice the sensations associated with feeling good so that you can more easily tell in the future. Rinse and repeat. Check out some of the ways to tell if something is not working for you by reading this article.

Do what makes you happy: Yes, it is that simple. When we do what makes us happy, we are happier. Sometimes people tell me they worry that doing what makes them happy means they’ll fall into a pattern of instant gratification and irresponsible behavior. And yes – sometimes what makes you happy in the moment might meet these qualifications, but, if you’re listening closely enough to yourself, you’ll realize that these behaviors rarely make you truly happy over time.

Learn what makes you healthy: Self-care is essential to a better life. Self-care is regularly and consistently doing things that take care of you. I am not talking crazy diets or intense regimens unless that is truly what you need. But, our perceptions and our ability to make decisions are intimately linked with how well our physical body is operating. Just as our physical body is influenced by our emotional well-being. Neglecting any part of ourselves makes it difficult to change our life for the better. Take some time to find out what really works for you in terms of keeping you healthy and it will support you every step of the way to a better life.

Do what makes you healthy: Enough said. You need to know what makes you healthy and then you need to take action on it.

Cultivate positive self-talk: Positive self-talk is a skill that finds its roots in compassion. When we develop this skill, we learn to take our own side and treat ourselves like the good person we aspire to be. Positive self-talk is not lying to one’s self or denying what it true. It is delivering the truth in a kind way and learning to fully support ourselves in the realm of our thoughts. Cultivating positive self-talk helps us develop other skills that allow us to shape our life in better ways and feel more at peace in each moment.

Cut out what you are tolerating: Realize when you are merely tolerating people, places, and things in your life. Living this way lets us slip further and further away from what will make our lives healthier and happier. Make a regular practice of identifying the large and small things that are no longer working and then let them go. This is will increase your sensitivity to your own needs and open you to the life you truly want.

Situational tips to change your life for the better.

The previous set of tips help us consistently step in the direction of a better life. You can practice them any time to help build your relationship with yourself and define what you want out of life. However, we are often looking for a way to make our life better when we are challenged by distressing circumstances. Here are some additional techniques to help you create positive change during challenging situations:

Think outside of the box: The solution is not in the problem itself. Many times when we are challenged we spend our time focusing on our pain or loss. We can productively interact with our reaction to a challenge by giving ourselves the space to have our feelings about whatever is going on. However, it is important to recognize that additional time spent trying to get back what we lost, or to change a circumstance to what we wanted it to be, will not bring us closer to our desire for a better life. We might believe that “If we could only [insert aspirational yet unrealistic description about a past event here]” then we would be happy again. The truth is we can be happy again by finding an alternative option that will work for us. While you’re brainstorming any and all alternatives, you may even land a next step that you’ll like even more than your last option. Some of the greatest leaps forward in our own happiness happen when life steers us away from what we thought we wanted towards something new that we discover we want even more.

Notice the places where the problem is not: When life gets challenging we can forget to see all that is still going right. We feel extremely overwhelmed and we can actually stop other areas of our life from thriving. So, when you start to say to yourself, “my life is a total mess!” – stop. Step back and take stock. Is it truly a total mess, or can you feel gratitude for how well some areas of your life are doing? Remember to step outside the current problem and consider it from within the folds of the good things in your life.

Remember what feels good is good: This is one of the ways that an ongoing practice of understanding and doing what makes you happy serves you during your most difficult times. If things are not working for you and you know what it feels like to be happy, then it is all the easier to find your way out of a bind. You just search for what makes you feel good and keep doing it and following it until you are in a better place, breadcrumb style. If you are looking for a way out of a challenging circumstance and you are not experienced in doing what makes you happy, you’ll find this a little more challenging, but not impossible. Ask yourself simply, “what would feel good to me right now?” Or, if I don’t like what is happening, “what is an alternative to this that I would like?” Remember to think outside the box. Don’t get stuck thinking that the thing you can’t have is the thing that would make you happy.

Take action but not from distress: It is so important to DO things to change your life and not to sit still if you want to see change. However, it takes a bit of practice to be able to take action that is productive rather than reactionary. Make sure the changes you are implementing are driven from your true and lasting needs and desires.

Make it manageable: You might need a total life overhaul, but doing it all at once is usually impossible and will probably leaving you feeling overwhelmed. Try picking an area of your life that you think will make the most difference and design changes in that area. Once you feel you have integrated those changes and seen some results try working in another area. Rinse and repeat.