Self-acceptance is not the result of what we have or have not done in our life. No matter what the outside looks like, whether it’s fabulous or not so fabulous, we may still be unable to accept ourselves.
When we look for deeper acceptance through accomplishments and accolades, we have fleeting moments of self-approval but we do not get the long-term benefits of self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is unconditional positive regard for ourselves no matter what. “Unconditional positive regard” is a term created by Carl Rogers that means “the basic acceptance and support of a person regardless of what the person says or does.”
We know that we have stepped into a deep level of self-acceptance when we can answer the following question with a “yes”: Do I know that no matter what I discover about myself, I am good and worthy of love?
We are all mixtures of some wonderful things and some not-so-wonderful things. Everybody has limitations as well as strengths. Self-acceptance means we are able to see and love both the good and the challenging aspects of ourselves.
One way or another, most people struggle with self-acceptance, whether it’s because of what we’ve been told by society and our caregivers or that we just came up with some idea that who we are –our whole self—is somehow not right. So we push away these parts of ourselves or try to minimize them, and as a result, we become cut off from our full selves and thus less—less alive, less happy, less real.
However, self acceptance is not just about seeing who we are and being OK with it. It also requires us to see our shortcomings and challenge ourselves to be more. Not from a place of lack of respect or disrespect for ourselves, but rather with great care and honoring of our true nature and deepest potential.
Self-acceptance does not mean self-indulgence. It means deep respect for all of who we are.
Our ability to love ourselves completely and our ability to ask ourselves to become more are two separate but complementary pieces of being healthier, happier people. When we see our limited behavior, limited way of being, or a less than perfect choice, are we able to accept it and love ourselves unconditionally? And, can we at the same time remember that self-acceptance does not mean that we melt into our limitations and indulge them? Self-acceptance is about loving ourselves so much—so completely—that we are able to acknowledge our faults while being willing to step into our potential.