Posts Tagged “Being Yourself”

On Being Yourself

As a being who is intrinsically connected to the rest of the world—whose personal wants are the whispers of the universe—your longings are not arbitrary, but essential. They are not whims, but movements of the divine. The deep wellspring from which your true nature flows is both unique and part of the divine unfolding.

“The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

While it is impossible to deny who we are—how can we be anything other than ourselves—paradoxically, we learn through the course of our lives to be more or (in many cases) less pure expressions of what resides in our heart of hearts. Being ourselves is the most natural and simple thing in the world, yet it can take quite a bit of effort.

To truly be living beings, we must surrender to the deeper truth of who we are, found through the exploration of what we love the most. It is when we are inspired, lit up, and aligned that we will find this wellspring of our eternal nature. And when it comes right down to it, anything besides being and doing what we love is, quite simply, a waste of our time.

“You are the perfect expression of the universe exactly where you are in this moment.” ~Alan Watts

Let’s not get confused on this point and think that life is easy and that our true nature will unfold without effort if only we are connected to it. All great works of art require effort and sometimes sacrifice. At times, our confusion about who we are can lead us to fixate on people, places, things, or ways of life that are not in alignment with who we truly are. In these moments of forgetting our self, we can be convinced that attaining the object of our desire will confirm something about us that we desperately want to believe (or disbelieve). These experiences can leave us wondering if we can trust the expressions of our deeper nature’s wants and desires.

But we can also use these moments to show us the nature of our own heart instead. We may learn through them what is not real and true, and we may find the opportunity to slip more deeply into what is. We can learn through these experiences that some love affairs are dalliances while others are romances that cross lifetimes, but all are beautiful teachers about the nature of our soul.

We can also sometimes be deeply disappointed by the twists and turns of life—what was once so clear and certain falling away as if it never was. We can feel in the words of Jennifer Welwood’s “The Dakini Speaks” that “life has broken her secret promise to us.”

In situations like these, we might start to doubt our direction and our deeper nature that called it forward, thinking that “we have been wrong before” and perhaps “it is better to save myself the heartache.” As we do this, our essential nature becomes more and more abstract and less and less realized. Or confusion increases and our investment in what is less ourselves does too.

Once we get confused and disconnected from our deeper nature, we are lucky if we can remember that our lives are meant to be an unfolding of our selves to ourselves. We are meant to be guided by our love, our happiness, and our dreams. We are meant to have our hearts broken as well so that we can continue to expand into bigger and truer dreams.

We really only have this one job in the course of our lives: being who it is we truly are. Navigating the pains that make us hold back and shut down. Finding, loving, and caring for what we are by our very design. Learning to bring that into the world with each opportunity. Living the paradox of knowing and not knowing ourselves.

Why do we dance this dance of being ourselves? Because there is a sacred fire burning in each one of us that demands a life fully lived.

What Takes You Away from Being You?

One of the most useful skills is the ability to “clear.”  I use this skill daily to weed out the things in my life that don’t serve me. These things are not necessarily external. Quite often they’re internal. By consistently eliminating what holds me back from being my full self, I’m increasingly able to live from my core.

What Takes You Away from Being You?

When it comes to your deeper truth – there are two things that you need. You need to have a sense of who you and the opportunity to express your full self. It’s worth asking, though, if there are situations in which self-expression might bring you harm? And if so, what can you do when we find yourself such a situation?

Here are a few common situations that tend to inhibit your free, full expression of your deepest truth.

Negative Connections:

Some people bring you down. Other people push or drag you down. The latter is the most toxic. It’s important to clear your life of anyone or anything that is a constant downer unless you feel unhampered by their behavior. Just as a steady diet of straight sugar would leave you feeling horrible, if you digest ongoing negativity you’ll feel pretty awful inside.

Holding Grudges:

Holding a grudge is easy to do. Yet, it’s so harmful for our overall health! When you don’t allow ourselves to forgive others, you do ourselves harm. You might not notice it at first, but the anger that encases your grudge takes you apart bit by bit.

Unresolved Issues:

Do you need to apologize to someone or confront them about an unresolved issue? Do you have a lingering doubt? Loose ends are energy leaks. They make it harder to stay on track with things that help us fully express who we are.

Negating and Discrediting:

Do you put yourself into situations where you are not seen or even outright discredited?  Are you made fun of or put down because of who you are? Just like racist jokes are not funny, neither are comments that undermine who you.

It’s important to recognize these situations when they happen in your life. Once you’ve spotted these drains on your full expression, you’ve got a lot of options.

“Clearing” is one of the most important skills I teach in my LifeWork Programs. We all need to learn how to remove physical and emotional toxins from our bodies and environments so that we can remain healthy.

In fact, the ability to “clear” is a step along the way towards your personal development.  As you move through your growth process, there will be times when you face challenges rooted in present circumstances or from the past.  You will make the best choices for yourself if you remember to return to your core self. You’ll also show yourself real self-care if you take a mental and emotional shower after a hard day of personal challenges.

Here’s what that looks like in action!

Disconnect:

When you have negativity in your life that blocks you from being able to express your deeper nature, one clear step towards getting clear is taking space from your everyday life. This is one part of a larger operation. Because it’s also important that you learn to disconnect mentally, emotionally, and energetically. Even if someone is no longer in your life, they can continue to have a negative impact.  Maybe you replay the emotions or thoughts associated with the negative circumstance. Maybe there is just a feeling of negativity related to the person.

There are so many clearing techniques to help you disconnect.  One of the exercises I recommend in my LifeWork Program is gratitude. Stop three times a day and notice five things for which you’re grateful. Notice how your feel before and after you reflect your gratitude back towards yourself.

Forgive:

Holding onto the memory of hurt only hurts you. A grudge won’t ensure you make a different choice in the future. A grudge won’t protect you from future hurt.  In truth, the energy that it takes to hold a grudge could be put to better purposes.

If you’re holding a grudge, see if you can find compassion for this other person.  A great forgiveness exercise is Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian forgiveness prayer. Look it up online. The practice of the prayer essentially goes like this.

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

Repeat each one of these statements while thinking of the other person.

Tie up your loose ends!

Create a list of everything unresolved or unfinished in your life – the big and the small. Make a point to clear up one thing at a time until you’ve checked all the boxes on your list.

Challenge:

Sometimes the best thing you can do to get clear is to not pick up the problem in the first place. If you’re being discredited or put down, recognize that this is someone else’s perspective. It’s not yours. You can learn from this other perspective without accepting it. Instead, return to what is true for you to keep yourself free and clear of things that hold you back from being your full self.

Are you looking for a way to help other people transform their lives and have a profound impact in the world or a pathway to strengthening your work with others?

The Master Transformational Coaching program is designed to give you individualized training and top-notch resources to help you become profoundly successful doing what you are meant to do.

To learn more about this opportunity and how it might be right for you, CLICK HERE.

If you are ready to take this next step towards your life purpose, I can’t wait to meet you.