Brene Brown caused a big stir when she stood up and started talking about her own vulnerability. As she candidly put it in her TED talk, she did not think that she was supposed to feel vulnerable. Only to discover, that she actually was missing out on some of the best of life—namely intimacy—by being unwilling to surrender to being vulnerable. I am so grateful for her efforts to make the world a little more real and a little more humane.
It takes a lot of discipline to open up when you feel threatened but that is just what vulnerability asks us to do. It asks us to let go of our pride –our need to be right—and open to the greater truth of ourselves, the other, and the situation. When we are vulnerable we loose the stranglehold of our lesser selves. Vulnerability requires that we are able rely on a much deeper and stronger part of our self –one that is not caught up in our ego.
Let me describe the process:
It happens all the time! I get myself into a situation where I can feel myself armoring up. I feel judged, disrespected, misunderstood. It does not matter what the specific situation is, really. Just that I can feel it coming on. This intense desire to protect myself -sometimes, at all cost. My heartbeat goes up, my muscles tense, my thoughts start running away, taking my rational self with them.
I know that nothing good can come with this approach but, it is so automatic sometimes. Can you relate?
It takes everything I’ve got to remember that my reaction is causing the problem not protecting me from it. I remember I have nothing to lose but my pride and I let go. My breath deepens. My muscles soften. I can feel my heart open up. NOW, I can make something good happen.
Now let’s break it down step by step:
Why is this important?
I am going to give you two reasons why this is so critical to our overall fulfillment in life. First, we are unable to develop real relationships that are deeply caring and intimate if we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Second, if we need to pretend that we are not vulnerable then our whole life becomes a charade. We have to work all the time to keep up appearances and in short that makes us miserable.
Short and sweet summary: If you want to be happy, learn how to be vulnerable.
Tune into this weeks Real Answers Radio for more on how to create meaningful relationships through vulnerability. The show is always live and your questions are always welcome!
Any kind of power is a magnifier. One main source of power comes from our financial standing. However, commensurate with financial power is moral power, which is a power that has indelibly shaped our world by bringing out both the best and the worst in people, individually and collectively.
It is not helpful to simply avoid money or spiritual knowledge so as not to be corrupted by it. This only leaves people who are less thoughtful in charge of our world and our souls. But how do we move forward on our life paths in ways that both support our spiritual advancement and ensure that we cause more good than harm?
After a number of personal and private events that have pointed to the repeated misuse of power by spiritual leaders, I have been thinking hard about how we spiritual seekers can be more responsible with our own power.
While the misuse of power is disturbing wherever it shows up, it is particularly disturbing when it involves those people who are ostensibly meant to be guides for our spiritual development.
We expect these leaders, consciously or unconsciously, rightly or wrongly, to show us how to be good people—people with refined inner consciences. We assume this will be demonstrated through both their examples and their teachings.
They do not need to be perfect—in fact, a spiritual teacher’s human limitations can be their best teaching tools—but they at least need to be above the worst acts of exploitation and abuse. Shouldn’t they have figured out how not to perpetrate hate crimes, support extreme injustices, and harm innocent children?
Unfortunately, as it seems, many have not.
And others, while not making the worst of mistakes, still falter and blur ethical lines.
All people make mistakes in the course of their lives. All people deserve to be forgiven and to have the opportunity to set things right. But if you have harmed people, isn’t that a sign to return to the foundations of your spiritual practice? Isn’t one of the foundations of spiritual practice acknowledging your mistakes and truly making amends?
Again, I do not think that spiritual leaders need to be perfect paragons of morality—in fact, I think that this perception is in part what creates these problems.
My questions are simply these: How does someone who commits themselves to a spiritual path come to act in this way? What makes it possible to grow in spiritual insight and power and still be able to justify the exploitation and abuse of others? And, for all of us who are on a serious path of spiritual development, is there anything we can do to ensure that we do not also go down the same road?
The answers are many and nuanced, but the main issue is perhaps the result of spiritual versus psychological development. While true spiritual development requires a continual practice of ethical and moral growth, it is possible to grow in spiritual skills without growing psychologically. This means the person gains spiritual skill and power but does not have the psychological development to hold this knowledge.
There is a longstanding split between the psychological and spiritual approaches to development, each one wanting to stake a claim on “the best approach.” Many spiritual people believe that their spirituality is an advanced stage of development that puts them above the need for psychological refinement. Many others don’t even know the different uses and purposes of these two different systems. It is perhaps more beneficial to see the two as mutually supportive approaches where one without the other not only limits our growth, but also sets us up for significant problems. If, for example, I am a gifted healer and medium but I have not yet resolved my inner misogyny or contended with the shadowy aspects of my sexuality, then I might function excellently as a healer and medium but still be challenged by my human beliefs and unacknowledged desires.
Many mystical traditions account for the need for psychological growth as well as spiritual development. In these cases, most often the psychological maturity of the person is seen as a necessary precursor to their use of certain spiritual tools. However, in a world where many of the teachings of the mystical schools have been lost or corrupted by unhealthy power dynamics, the seeker is often left without a clear path.
I have seen many spiritual people abandon their psychological development, believing that they have expanded beyond it, only to be diminished by that lack. They overly identify with the spiritual part of their experience, which allows for their human drives to operate more and more in shadow—sometimes with the complete denial of their existence.
While I believe that the secular and the spiritual leader are very different in many ways, I also believe that one key problem they have in common is how their power distorts their view of what is ethical. This power, especially when the ego attaches to it, can result in many unhealthy distortions that lead to harmful behaviors.
Spiritual leaders face the unique pitfall of being able to easily rationalize—to themselves and others—that their behavior is sanctioned by greater powers and is therefore justified. But this is simply their ego. More dangerously, followers of such leaders are all too likely to project their own disowned spiritual power onto the leader, making it even easier for that leader to believe in the propriety of their actions. This puts the spiritual leader—or anyone on this path—at a great risk of losing their way.
Things really start to get out of hand when the spiritual person starts believing that they are the same as the spiritual wellspring they draw from, which tends to result in their losing the connection to their human nature. And, because transcendence of the human experience is a part of most spiritual paths, it is very easy for the spiritualized ego to “jump the gun” and see itself as more advanced than it truly is.
The problem can be succinctly termed “spiritual bypassing”—when we avoid our human suffering with spiritual tools, skills, or mindsets. The remedy is to engage in rigorous psychological development—to emphasize the experience of the more fundamental and human aspects of the self so as not to lose sight of them while spiritually advancing. When we are truly on the other side of our human issues I have no doubt that we will know.
We can protect ourselves from gross oversights by tempering our advanced spiritual development with humility. If we recognize our limitations and the perils of advancing without attending to our limitations, we are more likely to act in a measured way, build a solid foundation, and not seek spiritual power that we are unable to wield in a healthy way. Unfortunately, there has been so much oppression of people’s spiritual nature that it is challenging to hold both humility and empowerment. This is perhaps one of the greatest challenges of the era.
We also benefit from not seeing the tools or the skills as the destination. For example, a specific diet or giving up one’s possessions are tools to create more awareness about how one operates or where one’s weaknesses are—but this does not make one more spiritual, nor does it ensure that we are immune to the misuse of spiritual power, just as being psychically open or knowing a lot of spiritual information does not imply a level of moral spiritual development. If we confuse the skill or knowledge with the development thereof, we have fallen prey to our own ego and we are at risk. If we support others in believing this confusion, we have slipped even further. The solution is to stop our obsession with the spiritual light show, the profound wisdom, or the latest uncovered gift, and get on with being a good person.
Three of the most powerful things we can do to keep ourselves awake as we grow and develop are to put ourselves in situations where our motives are questioned, to put ourselves in environments that are not “spiritual” by design, and (like everyone else) to put our spiritual practices in action by living a regular everyday life. In short, we remove the things that insulate us from knowing the truth about ourselves. We ask to be shown our limitations. And we live side by side with our brothers and sisters.
My prayer is that all the spiritual teachers and seekers continually find their way back to their hearts, that they have the courage and humility to see their transgressions, and that they have the willingness both to make amends and return to the source.
Here’s a list of the elements I consider essential to living a deeply fulfilling life.
Passion:
Courage:
Kindness:
Gratitude:
Contemplation:
Forgiveness:
Play:
Does one of these essential elements particularly resonate with you? If so, I suggest that you write it down and put it somewhere you will see it every day. Every little reminder you create for yourself will help you stay on track!
The more fulfilled we are, the more we inspire and fulfill the people around us. The more successful we are, the more we support other people in being successful.
In fact, how we live our life is our only tool to making the world a better place. Who we are and what we do makes a huge impact on others. When we make the world a better place, we enjoy being in it more.
Caring – as in really giving a damn – is essential to our fulfillment and success. The problem is that people often only care about meeting their own needs and having others meet their needs. They think that this is the only way to make themselves happy. While your needs are important, they are only part of the picture.
Once we learn to move out of apathy and start caring, we step into a whole new way of being in the world where:
We contribute and feel a healthy responsibility to the world around us.
We create a better world for everyone.
This kind of positive impact is at the heart of Right Livelihood.
People who feel fulfilled in their lives tend to be more generous, supportive, and available. They’re better able to give more to their partners, their children, and their community because they have the inner-resources from which to give.
A successful life makes everyone richer. When you on the path towards your Right Livelihood, you provide more for your family, those associated with your work, and those associated with them.
Every bit of Right Livelihood you create adds to the lives of others. It feeds, clothes, and houses other people as well as inspires them to create something for themselves.
When we focus on a path that leads to holistic, comprehensive success, we increase the general wealth in the world.
One of the first steps on your path to Right Livelihood is to find a representation of what you want to create. If you can see what you want then you can achieve it. When you can’t see it, you can’t actually have a relationship to what it is you want. When you imagine a bigger or more expanded life, you’re on your way to it. Did you catch that? If you can see it then you are on your way.
Take a moment to journal about who or what represents Right Livelihood to you. If you don’t know, spend a few moments researching it.
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!
How you answer these questions will reveal the impact your work has on you, your community, and your world.
2. As a result of my work, was anyone diminished?
3. To do my work, was anyone required to earn less than they ought to, expose themselves to negative work environments or unhealthy work conditions?
4. Through my work, are the contracts I make with others mutually respectful?
5. Is there an excessive/harmful gap between my earnings and those who help me earn them, or the reverse?
6. Does you work have a negative effect on your mind or heart?
7. Is my work perfectly aligned with who I am? Do I love what I do, am I good at it and does it fill me with a sense of meaning?
8. Does my work afford me the ability to work on other things that are important to me?
9. Do I do my work for free leaving myself uncared for?
10. Do I over or under-perform my work? Is my effort in balance?
Give yourself 1 point for every statement you responded “no” to:
8-12 Knocking it out of the park!
4-7 Figuring it out.
1-3 Feeling the Burn.
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!
Right Livelihood is taken from the Buddhist teaching of the Eightfold Path to Enlightenment. The path of right livelihood means earning your living in a way that does not cause harm to yourself or others.
There is a difference between Life Purpose and Right Livelihood even though they are often understood as the same thing.
Right Livelihood has as much to do with the way you go about your work as it does the with your given profession.
The reason Right Livelihood is so important is that everything we do can either contributes to or detract from our overall wellbeing. The more conscious you are of yourself, the more you will feel the positive and negative effects of your choices.
If you want to help others in their transformation, whether through being a healer or acting as one, your work is limited or strengthened by a multitude of factors that fall under the umbrella of right livelihood.
In general, I look at spiritual concepts as information that help point the way towards riches that we most need to discover. There are many versions of Right Livelihood across religious and spiritual teachings. I make no claim to the correct ones.
Here are components of the path to Right Livelihood that I think might be useful to you as you move forward in your own pursuit.
Passion:
Growth:
Alignment:
Harmony:
Balance:
Positive Impact:
Take a moment to reflect on where you are on your path to creating Right Livelihood. What is something you can do to advance your growth in this area?
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!
Day-in and day-out, I talk to people who want to find their life purpose.
I make a point to pay close attention to what my clients, associates and colleagues say as they describe the purpose-driven life they seek to live. As I see it, my job is not simply to respond to what I hear, but rather to figure out how I can help those around me get what they really need to feel happier, healthier and more successful.
When people talk about finding their purpose they often also talk about identifying their passion. They want to have a sense of meaning in their life. They want to make a contribution.
I go into great detail on what life purpose is REALLY all about and how to FULLY LIVE a purpose-driven life in my Morning Mindset series, LIFE PURPOSE. So, if you’re in the midst of finding your life purpose, this series is for you! Sign up here.
Myth #1 Your Life Purpose is Your Vocation
Myth #2 Your Life Purpose Can Only Be One Thing
Myth #3 You Must Find Your Life Purpose Before You Start Living It
Myth #4 Only a Fortunate Few Live Their Life Purpose
Myth #5 You Should Be Able to Figure It Out On Your Own
So, if you’ve been coming up empty as you look for your life purpose, it’s time to de-mystify your thinking and try on these solutions. Most important, though, is to start with what you LOVE.
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!
Life purpose is a big topic of conversation in the world of personal development. Lots of people want to live a purpose driven life, yet all too often these same people struggle to define what their purpose is and how to go about living it.
While life purpose is commonly thought of as fate or destiny, I prefer to think of it as the expression of your whole self. In other words, it’s less important that you know it and more important that you are it.
In my Make It Happen Guide, I write, “Whatever you want or dream of you can have. It’s already in you. You’re the one you’ve been waiting for.”
People tend to make the mistake of looking for their life purpose outside themselves.This search ultimately leads to a perpetual feeling of disconnection.
The more outward you look for your purpose, the further away from it you feel. This is because your quest for it is built on the false belief that your purpose is something beyond yourself and not a natural expression of who you are.
Living your life purpose requires connecting with the deeper and truer aspect of who you are. If you’re curious as to how to plug into your purpose, here are my best suggestions.
Pay attention to where you feel connected, excited, passionate, and positive.
Let yourself think “out of the box” thoughts.
Honor your dreams. They are with you for a reason.
Your purpose is not necessarily your vocation.
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!
In Greek Mythology, the nine muses are goddesses that rule over the arts and sciences, and are said to bestow inspiration on the subject of their domain. They were considered the source of the knowledge embodied in the poetry, song-lyrics, and myths that were related orally for centuries in ancient cultures.
I think that the muses still have much to teach us about finding meaning and inspiration in our day-to-day lives.
So, for today’s newsletter, I’m going to introduce you to each of the nine muses and point out the place in your life they can offer their inspiration!
Calliope the Muse of Epic Poetry
Clio the Muse of History
Euterpe the Muse of Music
Erato the Muse of Lyric Poetry
Melpomene the Muse of Tragedy
Polyhymnia the Muse of Sacred Hymns and Agriculture
Terpsichore the Muse of Dance
Thalia the Muse of Comedy
Urania the Muse of Astronomy
Are you looking for a way to help other people transform their lives and have a profound impact in the world or a pathway to strengthening your work with others?
The Master Transformational Coaching program is designed to give you individualized training and top-notch resources to help you become profoundly successful doing what you are meant to do.
To learn more about this opportunity and how it might be right for you, CLICK HERE.
If you are ready to take this next step towards your life purpose, I can’t wait to meet you.
Living your purpose is the key to your fulfillment. When you embrace your life purpose, you commit your effort to what you’re best able to do. And this has infinite positive outcomes.
Living your life purpose blossoms a sense of wellness throughout your entire life. You experience true harmony because you’re not emotionally invested in any particular outcome and so you’re better able to make lemonade when life gives you lemons.
Each and every one of us wrestles with a nagging sense of unfulfillment until we understand that it’s in our power to create our happiness and to live our passion.
For example, if I believe my actions and interactions make no impact, then I’ll have a negative perception of my life inside and outside of my workplace. Or, if I perceive myself as a victim in all circumstances ― and feel as though the world sets me up to knock me down ― I will shy away from circumstances that might prove my belief otherwise. Instead, I’ll likely create situations that prove I’m at the world’s mercy. This perspective will leave me blaming others, feeling resentful and stuck.
On the other hand, if I believe that my actions have the potential to make a positive impact, then I’ll feel more positive about my life, more excited by my choices, and – ultimately – more fulfilled and satisfied. Moreover, if I see a situation that is dangerous, negative, or hurtful, I’ll feel it’s possible for me to take action towards a positive outcome. This creates a virtuous cycle. Over time, I’ll see the net effect of my positive actions and will likely find it easier to face challenging circumstances in a positive way. This makes a profound difference in my life and the lives of others.
So, what does this cycle of positive action have to do with Life Purpose? Well, in order to move toward your life purpose, you need to feel as though what you’re doing makes a difference. Otherwise, there is no reason to bother.
Whatever it is that you feel passionately about, you can do it! In fact, you were meant to do it.
Think about yourself in the terms used by Alan Watts: “You are the perfect expression of the universe exactly where you are in this moment.” Or, as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray.”
Since my work is all about helping people achieve a feeling of success and fulfillment in their lives, I’ve made a list of fundamental questions that will help you identify your life purpose! This list will give you a good sense of where to focus your energy as you take your first bold steps towards the life of your dreams.
Passion:
2. Do it often. Doing what you love makes you feel more fulfilled.
3. Remove things from your life that are mediocre, beige, flat or merely being tolerated. You only have so much time attention and energy don’t waste it on what does not matter.
Courage:
2. Know why it is important to you.
3. Because, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” F. Roosevelt
Kindness:
2. Learn to be good to yourself and do it as much as possible.
3. Go out of your way everyday to do something especially nice for a total stranger.
Gratitude:
2. Thank people for what they bring to your life.
3. Learn to find gratitude even for the things and people that are difficult.
Contemplation:
2. Keep a journal.
3. Learn to listen fully to what someone is saying. Really take it in before responding.
Forgiveness:
2. Forgive yourself.
3. Make it a practice to forgive others as quickly as possible.
Play:
2. Laugh as much as possible.
3. Remember that your life is what you dream it to be.
Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!