Recently I was looking at this top level coaches website and while we are VERY different personality-wise, our messaging was very similar. In fact, when I read some of the things that she wrote they were almost exactly what I had written on my website.
I felt my stomach turn and I started having all of these jealous thoughts.
I went from feeling abundant, successful, and really inspired by my messaging to being crabby, catty, and disenchanted. Reflecting on this experience made me think that jealousy would be a good topic to write about.
I am sure you have heard before that jealousy helps you clarify what it is that you want in your life. This is true and useful.
But knowing this still does not help you transform jealousy. It merely has you clear that you really want what another person has.
Here is a definition:
Jealousy: mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry.
I like this definition. I am going to talk about it broken down into those parts: suspicion, fear, and rivalry.
Suspicion is by definition and unfounded belief. It points out a flaw in our ability to think about our lives. If we have no proof, why would we choose to think negatively about a situation? If we find ourselves being suspicious, isn’t it better to focus on what we want rather than we don’t want until we have proof that it is otherwise?
Fear is typically experienced in response to real or perceived information. The first question we can ask ourselves is “What is the actual harm that could come if what I fear is true is actually true?”
Can I take care of myself in a way that decreases my fear? Or, can I switch my perspective so that I can see how things might be different?
Rival. Going again to the dictionary:
“A person who is competing for the same object or goal as another, or who tries to equal or outdo another.”
Here are my questions: Can two people actually have the same goal? And what is the point of equally or outdoing another person if what you want to do is live YOUR life?
To wrap this all up, in my case where I was on someone’s website and I started feeling jealousy, I make the following mistakes:
I saw similarities in what we offered.
I created a competition where one of us needed to win and one needed to loose.
I became afraid of the outcome where I did not win that I had created and then felt jealous.
This is what I could have done instead, just by shifting my mindset:
I could have seen the similar message and been inspired by its compatibility with mine, noticed our differences and recognized that we had different people to serve, and even gone as far as creating an outcome where we align with each other to help more people.
So why did I choose in that moment to be jealous rather than be inspired?
There are a million reasons. We all have a million reasons. But, these millions of reasons if not confronted will hold us back from being both successful and fulfilled.
It is not that we need to avoid feeling jealous. It is just an opportunity for us to ask some of these powerful questions, understand ourselves better and move in the direction of what we want to create in the world.
I recently had a bout with jealousy. I started to compare myself to someone else and just kept coming up short. Everything this other person excelled at was something that was in my wheelhouse but not my gift. I started to feel the pain of being “less than.”
I know that there is a way out of this bind. So, I spent some time and got some support in coming back to a place of love. Because, in this place of love all the rest gets put in perspective.
This time of year many people think about the state of their relationship, their love life, and the like but love is much more than dinner dates and flowers. It is much more ever-present than your last crush or even your long term relationship.
Love is quite simply the most powerful tool you have in your toolbox. Because, love can burn everything else away –everything that does not serve you that is.
I think that it is a force more powerful than any other. Mystics have spoken about it throughout time. They have tried to teach us that if we can connect to our hearts and return to this space of love then we have the ability to move mountains and part seas.
But, what does this mean for you and me?
When you are faced with a situation –maybe it is a coworker, a lover, or a friend—where you are at odds with someone else, see if you can return to a place of love. This might seem like a foreign concept to many people. It might bring forward thoughts like, “How the heck do I do that?” So, here is one way you can do it:
Take a few minutes for yourself. Get comfortable. Close your eyes… Actually, no!! Scratch that. That could be a method but I think it is time to approach things from a new angle!
What secret negative longings do you have? Take an inventory. If you can figure out your negative intent then you can clear it. When you clear it it is that much easier to return to a place of love.