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Posts Tagged “Meaningful Relationships”

How you do your personal work is how you do relationships?

So many people don’t see the patterns that keep them stuck in their love life even when they are right in front of them. To discover what is truly in the way of your ideal partner coming into your life, you can look at other areas and how you relate to yourself and others that give a huge clue.

One place to start is with your relationship with yourself and others when doing personal development. Every workshop, teacher, coach or class you interact with is a reflection of you and how you do relationships. When I coach with someone personally, I actually get a feel for how others react to them in their love life. I can sense how they are acting with me and the process which gives me the insight to share with them HOW they are being so they can see where they are stuck.

If you don’t have a coach, here are some examples of how you do personal development and how it shows up in dating and relationships:

  • The passive one. You aren’t making an effort, always looking for some quick fix with minimal emotional involvement. You may even feel afraid of looking deeper or invest too much in yourself because you doubt that anything can help you. You never really try so you can justify why you don’t get anywhere in love.
  • How it shows up in love: You meet people who won’t go deeper either. You wait passively for divine timing or when your astrology says the time is right. You think that love isn’t meant for you anymore. You got hurt too many times and you just want to wait and hope for things to change. But… they never do.
  • The Extremist. You go full-on into every workshop, coaching program, class you take. You get really excited and hopeful each time you try something new. You jump from program to program hoping that THIS will be the ONE. You do the work to GET the man without valuing the journey. You get caught up in fixing yourself so you can reach the finish line but you end up feeling worse. You are trying too hard and getting the opposite result because as you do the programs you hold fear and anxiety and forget how wonderful you already are.
  • How it shows up in love: You jump into relationships and try SO hard to make them work. Every NEW person is “the one” for you and you try to force it to a commitment. You are filled with fear and anxiety when you meet someone. You lose your ground and feel if you can just get him/her to commit, everything will be okay. You may tend to attract men/women who do the same to you. They try really hard at first even when they hardly know you. They are in love with the idea of finding someone/anyone more than seeing you.
  • The Half-Committed. You jump in with full force and give up quickly. It takes you a long time to make a decision and then you change your mind frequently. You have a hate/love relationship with the process. You love it when things seem to be going your way and you easily give up when the first obstacle arises. You blame external (the workshop, life, the coach, the teacher) instead of looking inside. When faced with deeper issues, you run away. You resent having to do personal development work and you doubt if anything will help you because you keep looking outside for results before they have time to manifest.
  • How it shows up in love: You change your decisions often about whether someone is good for you or whether you should go back to your ex. You get angry easily at the universe and the men you date. You believe life isn’t fair. You aren’t clear of what you want and if you can consciously create your life. The men/women you attract are half-committed too. They just can’t seem to make up their minds about you or whether they want a relationship.
    • Solution: Design your ideal relationship (not the ideal persona of who you want to attract). Describe how you want to be treated, how you want to feel and how you want to live. Then, approach everything in life (your work, your friendships, your personal development process) as YOU want to be treated yourself. If you want a commitment, then commit to yourself, if you want someone to make an effort with you, then make an effort for yourself. As you make this shift in your mind and behavior, you will start to see others mirror back to you how you deserve to be treated.

      You always get back what you put out. That is the law of karma. So, what will you put out today?

      Debi Berndt and Dr. Robert Maldonado are the co-founders of Creative Love™, a personal development company that helps people attract, master and teach love. They’ve worked with thousands of singles across the world to find true love and their Creative Love™ Process is now taught in 13 different languages.Learn more here.

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    7 Principles of Meaningful Relationships

    Everything in life starts and ends with relationships. Imagine trying to build wealth without others. Imagine trying to be happy without others. Imagine trying to learn without others.

    Our very existence starting from the womb has relied on our relationships to others. But there are no rule books for relationship building. We grow up learning to read and write hoping our connection skills learned on the playground are good enough to get by.

    If your wealth, education, love, and even happiness is contingent on others, imagine what would happen if you upgraded the way built and engaged your relationships? Your life would change right in front of your eyes.

    I believe there are 7 principles for building meaningful relationships. I’ve noticed these principles show up no matter what. I believe they are universal rules. They apply no matter what culture you’re in, where in the world you may be, or what time in history it is. They’re fundamental for life, love, and business.

    The 7 principles are:

    1. 1. Our external relationships are a reflection of our internal relationship
    2. 2. Focus your mindset on giving unconditionally
    3. 3. Serve others how they want to be served
    4. 4. A relationship must be give and receive (sometimes you say no)
    5. 5. Get on peoples maps…empathize
    6. 6. Always make others feel safe
    7. 7. Honor every behavior because it has an intended positive outcome, no exceptions

       

      #1: Our external relationships are a reflection of our internal relationship
      Our experience of life on the outside is a reflection of the internal relationship we have with ourself.

      If you operate from scarcity, believe people are out to screw you, and you’re not worthy of receiving, how will your relationships look?

      But if you’re abundant, believe people want to help you, and you’re deserving, what will your relationships look like? Meaningful relationships are a reflection of the way we build relationships with ourselves.

      This is also why I believe in bringing interpersonal work into business strategy. While the givegive methodology is a business methodology for growing sales through relationships with our clients and partners, the success of these relationships are based on our ability to develop a relationship with ourselves. The interpersonal work is as important, if not much more important than the strategy.

      #2: Focus your mindset on giving unconditionally
      Have you ever met someone that you felt an instant connection to? And have you ever met someone you disliked right away? What lets you know to like someone and what lets you know to dislike someone?

      Every relationship happens in three layers. The first layer is what can be observed on the outside. The second is what is happening in the conscious minds of both people. And third is what is happening in the subconscious minds of both people. It’s in this mind where the subconscious is scanning 2 millions items of information every second for anything that lets them know its unsafe.

      When we focus on giving unconditionally, we unconsciously align our body movements, posture, tone of voice, and the words we use with the best interests of the other person.

      #3: Serve others how they want to be served
      This is an upgrade from the golden rule- “do unto others as you want done unto you”. Instead, it should read, “do unto others as they want done unto them.” While serving others the way we want to be served in theory makes sense, it assumes that others experience what we want in the same way we do. This is in fact not true.

      In order to build the life meaningful relationships, you have to commit to identifying what others want, and serve them how they want to be served.

      #4: A relationship must be give and receive
      Sometimes its really easy to focus on giving unconditionally and serving others the way they want to be served. But it can be really hard to receive.

      A relationship is a two way street. With only one person giving and not receiving, it’s not a relationship. When we deny the ability for the other person to give, we deny them principle 2 and 3. Therefore, we have an obligation to receive just as much as we have an obligation to give.

      #5: Get on peoples maps (empathize)
      It’s easy to assume we understand what others mean when the use the same words that we do. But what their words mean might be completely different that what those same words mean to you.

      For example, if someone said, “I’m going to make $150,000 this year.” You might interpret that as being a lot of money, but they may be worrying about how they’re going to pay their bills.

      Each person has their own map for how they experience the world and until you can empathize with others from their viewpoint, you are not truly building a relationship (the root word “relate” being a key point).

      We don’t know until we focus on learning how the other person experiences the world. This is their map. When you can learn how the other person sees the world through their beliefs about it, you can start to connect in a whole new way.

      Everything in life starts and ends with relationships.

      #6: Always make others feel safe
      So many interactions are unsafe for others. Without safety, the other person can never truly open up and be vulnerable. Imagine trying to hang out with someone that’s afraid they’re in danger. Will they be focused on connecting? Will they present? Will they talk about things that are meaningful? Of course not, they’ll be focused on not dying.

      As silly as this might sound, when we feel unsafe, we remain it fight or flight until it the perceived danger is gone. Just like keeping the engine of the car running permanently incase you need to drive away in a hot second. It’s our jobs to focus on ensuring others feel safe, so we can bring them into a place where they will open up and share the most meaningful parts of them. This is where real bonds are formed.

      #7: Honor all behavior because it always has an intended positive outcome, no exceptions
      This is perhaps the hardest principle to accept but is also the most important. Every single behavior, from the most joyful to the most horrendous, has an intended positive outcome.

      There are two main drivers of behavior- pain and pleasure. We humans always make the best available choice at any given time between these two choices. Often, the choices are both painful so we will always take the less painful choice.

      For example, why did so many men run out into walls of machine gun fire during D-day in WWII? Because while that was an extremely painful option, not running out and letting down their country or potentially being shot by their commander in the boat was far more painful. While this principle doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior, it allows for you to empathize with others. If they had a better more pleasurable option, they would be making it. But when people do things that are not seen favorably, just remember it’s the best available option to them. If they had a better one, they would have taken it.

      This is by far the hardest principle to accept but it’s one that is also the most empowering one of them all. If you can own this and allow it to guide your interactions, you can free yourself from outcomes due to the behavior of others.

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      Keep these principles top of mind as you interact with others. Your success relies on relationships with your clients, partners, associates, and community. The more you can build and strengthen these relationships, the more abundance you will create both in dollars to your business but also in your experience of life.

      reblogged from thegivegive.com

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