Posts Tagged “growth”

8 Tips for Reinventing yourself After a Breakup

8 Tips for Reinventing yourself After a Breakup

You are sad, broken hearted, and your life has been radically altered. The person you have been spending the most time with is no longer a part of your life. All the rituals you had and the everyday exchanges that gave you joy are gone, as is the dream of what you hoped to create together. Every relationship we start has the potential of breaking up and we all hope that we will never see the day. Even if the breakup is desired, the effects can still be challenging to deal with and may leave you wondering who you are. Reinventing yourself after a breakup is a natural next-step after this confusion.

No matter how independent we are, relationships shape us. We emerge different than we were when we began. Some of who we have become we may love, some of who we have become may seem like a sacrifice that was not worth it, and some of who we have become may feel like it died with the end of the relationship. Sometimes who we have become is so far from who we want to be that we feel like we need to start from scratch. The question is, how do we reinvent ourselves after a breakup?

8 Tips For Reinventing Yourself After A Breakup

  1. Let go of loose ends: It can be tempting to hold onto memories, both large and small. Items that represented your love are often found in your environment. Plans you held together can still be floating through your mind. The more that you can clear things out and open the door to new things the faster you will be able to discover the new you and create the new life that you are craving.

  2. Be frivolous and have fun: Nothing looks better on you than laughter and happiness. The sadness of your breakup can weigh you down. The easiest way to counteract this heaviness is to make it a point to have fun. Try doing something that you have always wanted to do, but didn’t because you convinced yourself it was not practical or it was too frivolous. Create silly moments of novelty. Building moments of happiness and fun into your life will help you feel better about yourself and more creative as you consider redefining your life in general.

  3. Pay attention to how you look: You might be a meticulous dresser or you might throw on the first thing you lay hands on in your dark closet. We all have a certain part of our identity that is tied to our appearance, whatever that appearance might be. When we’re uncertain about other parts of our identity, like after a breakup, it’s easy to be shaken out of our usual appearance identity. Exercising choice by pushing yourself to put effort into how you look will help you reconnect with yourself and seize a basic and fun step in reinventing yourself. Looking good for you (not anyone else) is healthy and helpful at any point in time.

  4. Pay attention to how you feel: I am not talking about the sadness that you feel as a result of your break up. I am talking about the things, little and big, that put a smile on your face or make you feel good inside. If you want to create a new version of you that you like even more than the current model, you want to start to pay attention to what you like and what you don’t. The easiest way to do this is to pay attention to how you feel when you are doing things. If you are not feeling good, you might want to consider letting go of that activity and beginning to do things differently.

  5. Spend time with people who love the real you: Nothing helps you move on and feel strong enough to try new things like being seen by people who really get you and love you as you are. Take some time to recharge your batteries by surrounding yourself with people who truly appreciate you for all of who you are. Even better if these people are so supportive that they will also embrace the changes that you are planning to make!

  6. Spend time with yourself: Alone time is essential to making sure that you are connected with yourself and in touch with your emotions. Moving on after a breakup is not so much about keeping on the go as it is about a healthy balance of activity and introspection. Give yourself the time you need to just be, feel your feelings, and imagine into your wide-open future.

  7. Rekindle dreams: When we are in a relationship, it begins to shape who we are. Sometimes dreams we had as a single person get put to the side because they do not fit well into a relationship. Now is a great time to bring these dreams to the forefront yet again, and to create some new dreams!

  8. Don’t look back: After the grieving process is over and you have mourned what has been lost, there is little use going down memory lane. If you find yourself replaying relationship events, torturing yourself with “the good times,” or mulling over what you might have done differently, try instead to do one of the things on this list. The new you is waiting for you in the future, not in the past. The more you can embrace the potential of the future, the easier it will be to reinvent yourself.

Whether you’re reinventing yourself after a breakup or just because you feel it’s time for a change, try these resources for reinventing yourself.

Create Self-Improvement & Personal Growth through Self-Respect

Create Self-Improvement & Personal Growth through Self-Respect

The most important part of any self-improvement plan is a healthy dose of respect. Very often, I approach this teaching through a discussion of self-love. I talk about how important it is that we love and care for ourselves in a deep way. However, I am going to focus this discussion through the lens of respect.

Respect is a deep acknowledgement and honoring of the totality of who we are. It is a critical component of self-love. Personal development work will not really begin to shift our life until we do the work with a fundamental respect for all of who we are, rather than a desire to fix, improve or change who we are.

Respect for ourselves keeps us on the path of doing our work and helps us to do it in a way that honors our deep nature.

It is too easy to approach personal development work with the mindset that something needs to be fixed. We might be left feeling this way because of the emotional pain or life event that motivated us to start this work. Along the way you will most definitely meet parts of yourself that you do not like and be tempted to go in directions that do not really serve the true you.
But what if instead we were to move forward on our personal development journey with the belief that the process of growth is an honoring of who we are and who we can become. Honoring who we are in every way implies a deep respect -deeper than perhaps you have ever known.

Respect is both respect for the process and respect for each and every aspect of who you are. Additionally, respect for ourselves translates into respect for others. As we learn to treat ourselves with respect we begin to see how we can do this for others.

Two of the central things that keeps us from growing and changing are the limitations and rules that we put on ourselves because of how we think that we should be. How we think we should be is without respect for who we truly are. It negates rather than strengthens. It distorts rather than clarifies.

Respect holds you and cares for you in the cauldron of transformation. The more you can respect yourself and your process, the more you will connect with your deeper nature and unfold into the totality of who you are, achieving a profound sense of fulfillment.

When we approach our work with respect, it brings strength and clarity. It helps us see where to work and where to yield to something greater than us. It makes our transformational process more gentle.

I’ve Found My Path, But Wait! Where Did Everyone Go?

Have you ever had the experience of finding yourself on a new path in life and suddenly you feel like you’re all alone? You’ve just stepped into a new version of yourself. You’re becoming more aware and you’re paying closer attention to the choices you’re making. Things that used to be your ‘norm’ no longer interest you, and creative ideas are manifesting more easily. You’re exploring new paradigms and experiencing next-level shifts. AND you’re probably feeling more inspired and alive than ever before.

Welcome to the Next Phase of Your Journey

This is just the beginning. As you progressively begin to rely less on purely logical levels of thinking, and shift toward trusting your inner sense of what feels right, you’ll experience greater clarity and a deeper knowingness. From that knowingness, a driving desire is born to explore whatever it is that you’re being drawn toward.

As you follow the breadcrumbs of internal guidance, you’ll find yourself taking action and making different choices. You may start to revel in awe at how your perception and life experience is changing. The energy builds on that and we keep moving in this newfound seemingly directionless direction. But …

But Wait! Where Did Everyone Go?!?!

It’s often at this juncture that those new to the path encounter some emotional turbulence. This is a natural part of the integration process; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As your strides turn into quantum leaps, it can become challenging for others in your life to hang on. As a result, there are a few common things that tend to show up…

Sometimes the people in your life will start to tease and poke fun at your new path. Their joking may seem light-hearted, yet to the new trailblazer it may stir up some confusion, sadness, or anger. I mean, “Why can’t they just be happy for me?” It may not mean they don’t want to be supportive of the newfangled you; it could mean that they don’t know how to be supportive. This is new territory for them as well.

Another common occurrence is the realization that the people we were previously associating with aren’t ready to make the leap, so they start to fall away. At first you may perceive this as being a negative experience. “I’m losing all my friends! What is happening here? I’m becoming a better person and now nobody gets me.” (sad face) This can create feelings of emptiness, which may lead to more solitude. It’s in this solitude that you lean more into that which is calling to you on a soul level, and you find some comfort there.

Here are a few tips for helping you to set your trajectory and maintain your momentum as if your life depends on it. Because it does.

5 Tips to Help You Through the Transition

  1. Intend clear passage. This is your path. What is right for you is what is right for YOU. We’ve all heard that perception is projection and that we create our reality. That which you go looking for, you are apt to find. That being said, set the intention for clarity of purpose and purity of heart as you journey ever more deeply into that which you seek.
  2. Listen to your inner guidance. Practice trusting your inner guidance and the art of detachment to outcome. Let go of specific ideas of how you, others, or the end result should look, sound, or feel like. The Universe rarely delivers in precisely the way we are imagining things. In some cases this is an incredible gift. Bottom line: be on the lookout for signs that you’re on the right track. You’ll recognize them when you feel yourself light up with excitement.
  3. Tend to mindfulness-based practices. Establish your Sadhana, a Sanskrit word that translates into a spiritual discipline undertaken in the pursuit of a goal. Eat food that is alive and nutrient-rich, exercise daily, take time for stillness and silence, acknowledge and be present with your emotions, choose your words carefully, and get lots of fresh air, clean water, and rest.
  4. Surround yourself with positive, successful people. It’s been said that we take on the qualities of the five people we spend the most time with. Be selective of who you are surrounding yourself with and make it a point to be connected with those who inspire you to keep learning, growing, and evolving. Anything less simply has to go!
  5. Don’t give up! There is nothing simple and easy about pioneering a new path. Personal development is tough work, but it’s also exhilarating and fulfilling work. In fact, it’s your only work. As someone who has charted my own course through both torrential downpour and golden sunsets, I can say for certain that, had I chosen the path of least resistance, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Now go out there and shine. Really shine! I’m rooting for you.

reblogged from Chopra Centered LifeStyle