Posts Tagged “happiness”

7 Myths about Happiness and the Truth that will Set You Free

7 Myths about Happiness and the Truth that will Set You Free

Establishing a true practice of happiness is an elusive but powerful skill. In its own right, it is a hard goal to achieve. Harder still, however, is chasing the commodified and distorted versions of happiness that we have been taught to seek and think we can achieve.

Happiness has become a myth that has been both downplayed and exalted, made to seem both commonplace and unattainable. Busting the myths of happiness can be an important step toward truly being happy. See which ones might have caught you in their snare and be happier now.


7 Happiness Myths:

You know how to be happy:

I have to start the list with this because it is such a common myth that gets in the way of people being happy. We think that we are supposed to know how to be happy, but I find that most people do not have the skills they need to make themselves truly happy. The good news is that you can learn how to truly be happy and, with a little work, you can get yourself feeling great.


The goal is to be happy all the time:

You can’t be anything all the time and if you were you would likely lose the capacity to recognize it. But you can benefit from moving in the direction of being happier as often as possible. In fact, find time each day to do one thing that makes you happy and you will be feeling the difference in no time.


Happiness is linked to external events:

It does not matter how much money you have or where you are from. True happiness is not about circumstances or possessions, it is our relationship with ourself.


Other people can make you happy:

While being around toxic people will affect your happiness, there is no one who can really make you happy but you. It is important to pay attention to who you feel happy around and who you don’t, but recognize that learning how to make yourself happier can only come from you.


You can be anywhere and be happy:

This one sounds like, “If I just do enough work on myself I will be happy with my crappy job and my unfulfilling relationships.” This has to be on the list because, while happiness is an inside job, losing sight of the impact that outside circumstances have on our happiness is equally problematic. Unload the toxic parts of your life and open up to more happiness.


You need to be somewhere (else) to be happy:

If you are one of those people who keeps looking around the corner or over the horizon for your happiness, I have to tell you, you are not going to find it there. When we chase happiness we don’t find it. We find whatever else we put in its place. The keys to happiness lie within us, not in the next city we plan to move to.


Happiness is available to you regardless of how you act or what you do:

This sounds like, “Happiness is my birthright and I should have it even if I make little effort at my own personal development.” Happiness entitlement gets in our way. It also denies the reality that some of us battle biological predispositions that make attaining happiness even harder. Approach happiness with gratitude, and you invite more of it.

Inspired self-care ideas

Inspired self-care ideas

Self care may be a buzzword today, but it hasn’t always been. Even concepts of “the self” are relatively young to public understanding. So how do we capitalize on today’s understanding of the self and practice self care in a way that will have the greatest impact?

According to author Caroline Myss, “the self” that we talk about today is an idea that emerged in the nuclear age. It wasn’t until the 1950’s that psychology and psychoanalysis became commonplace ways of thinking about people and their behavior. In turn, the rich inner-life that we all experience became just as real as our outer-world.


This new way of thinking about “the self” ushered in the birth of self-care. Until the 1950’s people didn’t talk about self-care. They didn’t think about balancing their everyday life demands with things that foster their well-being. Fast forward to today, and self-care is a multi-billion dollar industry and an everyday conversation.


I think that the conversation about self-care leaves out one major thing: and that’s inspiration. Inspiration is more than just happening upon a clever idea. It expresses our creativity and forges a path to real change in ourselves and in our world. When you’re inspired, you feel alive!

So how do we move beyond the self care suggestions to eat healthier and exercise more (good suggestions!) and learn more inspired ways to feed our spirit and nurture our soul? Get creative, and get in touch with YOU.

Feeding your soul is self-care. Self-care is all about honoring and caring for yourself in ways that matter most. When you’re able to practice inspired self-care your life becomes less of one huge to-do list and more of a field of abundant meaning and joy.

So take a look at the ways that you feel most enriched, and then put some real time and creative energy into creating some inspired self care practices for yourself. To get you started, here are 4 easy, rich, and deep ways YOU can bring more inspired self-care into your life.

Write a poem about someone you care for.

Inspiration is within reach most of the time. So, cozy up to your inner-bard and write a poem about your partner, your child, or a good friend. See if you can capture what you love about them in this expressive form. If you brainstorm adjectives, qualities, or feelings you associate with this person, you’ll quickly create phrases that inspire you.

Notice the tiny, beautiful details and riff on them.

Say you’re sitting at home or taking a walk through your neighborhood. Look around you, and free associate with what you see. For example, if you see thin blades of long grass growing by a wall, maybe they remind you of a time when you saw a piece of beautiful graffiti on a wall with grass just like that. Perhaps the grass near the wall reminds you of the eerie beauty and loneliness of neglected things. Let yourself wander into your thoughts. You’ll be amazed where you wind up!

Create the most luxurious and perfect experience, FOR YOU.

If your version of self-care is to take a bath, a walk in the woods, or get a massage, then it’s time to take it up a notch. Make a decadent, fantastic, and — yes — inspired experience for YOURSELF. Try new things. Mix and match your experience. Take a bubble bath with candlelight, wine, chocolate, the smell of jasmine, and opera music. Or, walk in the woods bundled in soft fabrics singing a song to yourself and noticing how the light hits things.

Give an impromptu gift that will make someone’s day.


Tap into your inspiration and find something – or make something – that will let another person know how special they are to you. When you think about bringing pleasure to someone else’s life, you naturally think creatively and playfully about what’s in the world and how to use it. And even better, when you give a gift your heart opens up and you feel satisfied on a deeper level.


It’s too easy to let days slip by while we’re distracted from what matters most. So challenge yourself to spend an hour each week doing one of these activities. It won’t take long before you’ll feel more inspired and your spirit will feel more nourished. Help remind yourself by printing out this list of ideas!

The Essential Elements to a Fulfilling Life

The Essential Elements to a Fulfilling Life

Here’s a list of the elements I consider essential to living a deeply fulfilling life.

Passion:

  • Figure out what you love to do. People are happier when they do what they love.
  • Do it often. Doing what you love makes you feel more fulfilled.
  • Remove things from your life that are mediocre, beige, flat, or merely tolerable. You only have so much time, attention, and energy. Don’t waste it on what doesn’t matter.
  • Courage:

  • Know what’s important to you.
  • Know why it’s important to you.
  • Because, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” F. Roosevelt
  • Kindness:

  • Learn to be good to others and do it as much as possible.
  • Learn to be good to yourself and do it as much as possible.
  • Go out of your way every day to do something especially nice for a total stranger.
  • Gratitude:

  • Pay attention to all the wonderful things that are a part of your life both large and small.
  • Thank people for what they bring to your life.
  • Learn to find gratitude even for the things and people that you find difficult.
  • Contemplation:

  • Take a few moments each day to sit quietly.
  • Keep a journal.
  • Learn to listen fully to what someone is saying. Really take it in before responding.
  • Forgiveness:

  • Make a list of everyone in your life that you have an unresolved issue with and find a way to resolve that issue within yourself and (if possible) with them.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Make it a practice to forgive others as quickly as possible.
  • Play:

  • Make time to be creative in ways that please you the most.
  • Laugh as much as possible.
  • Remember that your life is what you dream it to be.
  • Does one of these essential elements particularly resonate with you? If so, I suggest that you write it down and put it somewhere you will see it every day. Every little reminder you create for yourself will help you stay on track!

    Find What You Love! (And Do More Of It)

    Find What You Love! (And Do More Of It)

    Living your purpose is the key to your fulfillment. When you embrace your life purpose, you commit your effort to what you’re best able to do. And this has infinite positive outcomes.

    Living your life purpose blossoms a sense of wellness throughout your entire life. You experience true harmony because you’re not emotionally invested in any particular outcome and so you’re better able to make lemonade when life gives you lemons.

    Each and every one of us wrestles with a nagging sense of unfulfillment until we understand that it’s in our power to create our happiness and to live our passion.

    For example, if I believe my actions and interactions make no impact, then I’ll have a negative perception of my life inside and outside of my workplace. Or, if I perceive myself as a victim in all circumstances ― and feel as though the world sets me up to knock me down ― I will shy away from circumstances that might prove my belief otherwise. Instead, I’ll likely create situations that prove I’m at the world’s mercy. This perspective will leave me blaming others, feeling resentful and stuck.

    On the other hand, if I believe that my actions have the potential to make a positive impact, then I’ll feel more positive about my life, more excited by my choices, and – ultimately – more fulfilled and satisfied. Moreover, if I see a situation that is dangerous, negative, or hurtful, I’ll feel it’s possible for me to take action towards a positive outcome. This creates a virtuous cycle. Over time, I’ll see the net effect of my positive actions and will likely find it easier to face challenging circumstances in a positive way. This makes a profound difference in my life and the lives of others.

    So, what does this cycle of positive action have to do with Life Purpose? Well, in order to move toward your life purpose, you need to feel as though what you’re doing makes a difference. Otherwise, there is no reason to bother.

    Whatever it is that you feel passionately about, you can do it! In fact, you were meant to do it.

    Think about yourself in the terms used by Alan Watts: “You are the perfect expression of the universe exactly where you are in this moment.” Or, as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray.

    Since my work is all about helping people achieve a feeling of success and fulfillment in their lives, I’ve made a list of fundamental questions that will help you identify your life purpose! This list will give you a good sense of where to focus your energy as you take your first bold steps towards the life of your dreams.

    Passion:

      1. Figure out what you love. People are happier when they know what they love.

      2. Do it often. Doing what you love makes you feel more fulfilled.

      3. Remove things from your life that are mediocre, beige, flat or merely being tolerated. You only have so much time attention and energy don’t waste it on what does not matter.

    Courage:

      1. Know what is important to you.

      2. Know why it is important to you.

      3. Because, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” F. Roosevelt

    Kindness:

      1. Learn to be good to others and do it as much as possible.

      2. Learn to be good to yourself and do it as much as possible.

      3. Go out of your way everyday to do something especially nice for a total stranger.

    Gratitude:

      1. Pay attention to all the wonderful things that are a part of your life, both large and small.

      2. Thank people for what they bring to your life.

      3. Learn to find gratitude even for the things and people that are difficult.

    Contemplation:

      1. Take a few moments every day to sit quietly.

      2. Keep a journal.

      3. Learn to listen fully to what someone is saying. Really take it in before responding.

    Forgiveness:

      1. Make a list of everyone in your life that you have an unresolved issue with and find a way to resolve it within yourself and if possible with them.

      2. Forgive yourself.

      3. Make it a practice to forgive others as quickly as possible.

    Play:

      1. Make time to be creative in ways that please you the most.

      2. Laugh as much as possible.

      3. Remember that your life is what you dream it to be.

    Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!

    The Key to Happiness is Radical Self-Acceptance

    The Key to Happiness is Radical Self-Acceptance

    People ask me all the time what true happiness looks and feels like. My answer is always self-acceptance. The truth is that our happiness requires our acceptance – especially of parts of ourselves we like the least.

    If you don’t have much context for self-acceptance, then you might not know what it’s all about. Let me put it into some concrete terms.

    When you accept yourself, you’re okay with who you are. You’re also okay with you are not. You’re always on your side – no matter what happens in your life.

    Self-acceptance definitely takes some practice. We all can get carried away with thoughts that are self-shaming, self-judging or self-criticizing. When you catch yourself thinking these kinds of thoughts, I suggest that you douse yourself with self-acceptance because it really is the best antidote to feeling cut down or simply not good enough.

    You can get a sense of how self-accepting you are by asking yourself the following questions:

      Am I at peace with all my decisions?
      Do I love myself –even my not-so-great parts?
      When faced with information that supports a less than noble view of myself, can I love myself and also challenge myself to be more?
      When in a disagreement, can I respect my own view while respecting the other person’s?
      Do I know that no matter what I discover about myself that I’m truly good?

    If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Self-acceptance is a continual pursuit that’s just as much about your relationship to yourself as it is about your relationship to others.

    If you want to work on building your ability to accept yourself, you can start with these exercises that come from my book Real Answers.

    Ask Powerful Questions:

      The following prompts help you shed some light on the areas of your yourself and your life that would benefit from some self-acceptance.
      Complete these statements about yourself:
      • One thing I have a difficult time accepting about my life, but deep down know is true, is:
      • Some of the things I feel I need to accept about my life are:
      • The reason I know these things are difficult to accept is:
      • I will know that I have fully accepted these things about my life when:
      • This stops me from accepting these things about my life:
      • I would accept these things about my life if only:
      • I am afraid that if I accept these things about my life, then:
      • What I need to do to accept these things about my life is:

    Speak Your Truth:

      One of the ways we move into a deeper level of acceptance is by speaking our truth about our lives. This reinforces our sense of our experiences and makes them more real for us.
      When we acknowledge what’s real for us, we’re better able to accept what might have been difficult in our past as well as in our present.
      For example, after a fight I once had with a friend I created a self-serving story that my friend was unfair and overreacted. This story, however, was really a set of judgments that kept me from accepting my friend’s perspective and healing each of our bruised feelings.
      I realized that if I spoke my truth from my perspective, I could build a bridge of understanding with my friend. Phrases like: “What I saw was …,” “What I felt was …,” “What I experienced was …” helped me to break down information according to my truth and allowed me to see the situation in its more complex reality.

    Talk to Someone Who Was There:

      If someone has gone through a similar experience ― or, as is often the case with family members, the same experience ― sharing it with those who understand helps us build acceptance. This is part of the reason why group therapy works so well.
      When we talk about a shared or similar experience, we’re better able to process what happened and recognize its impact.
      People who suffer trauma often minimize its effect or simply don’t recognize it at all. They might not realize that their depression or their angry outbursts are related to their trauma. Talking about life events that we struggle to accept helps us see how these experiences connect inside of us and how we live them out.

    Acceptance of your personal experience radically changes the way you approach almost every aspect of your life and ultimately allows you to engage the world in a more positive, productive way.

    Want a step-by-step guide to find and live your life purpose? My Morning Mindset Life Purpose is an inspirational daily video series that delivers tips, insights and exercises straight to your inbox for three weeks. Morning Mindset will help you step-in your purpose and live your life to its fullest. Learn more here!

    Happiness is the True Meaning of Life

    Happiness is the True Meaning of Life

    In my 20’s, I learned that if I worked hard I could change my circumstances. In my 30’s, I learned that if I let myself love then, no matter the outcome, whatever I did would be worth it. Now in my 40’s, I can see that if I don’t have peace on the inside then it doesn’t matter how much love or money I have in my life.

    The truth is, lasting happiness comes from one thing – and that’s peace.

    I was in Thailand a few years ago to meet with a Russian Shaman. True story. She told me that I was meant to work with people around happiness – to really help them to be happy with their life.

    At this moment, I see how true her statement really is.

    I used to think that happiness was overrated. Now, I think it’s underrated. Nothing matters more in our lives than how we feel on the inside.

    The True Meaning of Life

    I believe the secrets of the universe will stay secret. However, I don’t think this prevents us from creating lives full of meaning and joy. There are few things in life that bring us true happiness. And they’re not what you think they are.

    So what are these things? Let’s start at the top:

    Peace in Your Heart

      I have to say it – even at the risk of sounding like every other self-help guru: peace on the inside is where it’s at.
      Life will always have its ups and downs. And yes, you can count on the universe to send something unexpected your way. We can either let ourselves feel tossed around by life’s inevitable twists and turns. Or we can create a kind of internal stability that won’t flinch when life throws us a curve-ball. This stability comes from a sense of inner-peace. When this is in place, we know in a deep way that we’re always going to be okay regardless of what’s happening around us.
      So, stop for a moment and ask yourself: what would your life be like if you spent as much time creating peace in your heart as you do working at your job or on your business? What would happen if you made sure to take some “you-time” everyday to bring a little more peace into your heart? Why not create a little experiment to test out your hypothesis?

    Time with Those that Matter

      Grandparents around the world, join me for an AMEN! They know that time teaches us about what matters most and who matters most in your life. But why wait until you’re older to benefit from this essential life lesson? Why not build your life around the people you really care about right now?
      If this rings true to you, then try this out: once a week for the next month, make a plan to spend some time with someone you really love. Do something that you both enjoy. Those good feelings and good times will build good memories and will help to grow your sense of peace.

    Doing Something you Love and That You are Good At

      It doesn’t matter if you get paid for it or not. When we do something we love and we’re good at, we feel great. And this is exactly what many people refer to as “life purpose.” This is why life purpose has more to do with something we create than something we find.
      When we start doing things we love and look for ways to offer them to the world, our skill and satisfaction naturally multiplies.

    Dare to Dream

      There’s a reason that the idea of the “bucket list” became so popular so fast. People yearn for permission to do things that excite them, bring them joy, and make their life meaningful. We feel happy when we let ourselves dream and when we meet even a few of our dreams.
      So, ask yourself: what do I dream of doing? Big or small. It doesn’t matter. Pick one of your dreams and begin to do things that in time will make it a reality.

    Go Deep

      Life is too short to stay on the surface. So, to tap into a sense of lasting inner-peace, you’ll need to find out what is really going on with you and those around you. Be willing to ask challenging questions. Take the risk to create intimacy. Our internal landscape has as much room to explore as our external one.
    How to Fall in Love with Your LIFE Again

    How to Fall in Love with Your LIFE Again

    When I work with people in my LifeWork Community program, we look for the easiest ways to effect big changes. Why? Because, often it’s little shifts that create major transformations.

    These little shifts tend to get overlooked because we’re looking for the major breakthrough, the AHA! moment that changes everything. Yet, when you make the small changes the big moments will happen as they do and when they do. The benefit here is that you’ll be further along in your personal transformation having made small changes along the way.

    And so, the focus of this article is about the little ways you can fall in love with your life again.

    Fall in Love with Your LIFE Again

    Our lives are filled with lots of repetition and routine. It’s common for many of us feel numb and bored from time to time.

    Perhaps you have asked yourself questions like these:

    Why has there been little change in my life over the past weeks or months?
    Why is it that I’m no longer excited by my relationship?

    Somewhere along the way we came to believe that happiness was a place we were destined and entitled to arrive. We also came to believe that happiness came with having everything we want. These mistaken beliefs can really mislead us. If we aren’t feeling happy or we’re not getting what we want, we tend to feel like something is wrong. But, nothing is wrong with your life and nothing is wrong with you.

    To really access the marrow of life we need to learn some skills that help take our focus away from what we don’t have or should have and instead connect us with what is.

    Here are three things you can do today to shift your thinking and to love the life you have before you.

    Look for what’s amazing in your everyday life.

      Most of us have unconscious expectations about how our life should be. At the very least, we all have hopes that our lives will turn out in a particular way. When you’re preoccupied with comparing what you have against what you think you should have, you’re not able to appreciate what you have for what it is. One of the easiest ways to figure out if your expectations are keeping you from being satisfied with your life is to pay attention to your habits. Do you crave a sugary snack in the afternoon? Are you dissatisfied with your relationships after the initial honeymoon period? Do you start getting bored with work after the initial newness wears off? While there can be many reasons these habits develop, one of them is a lack of ability to see what’s amazing in your day-to-day. If you’re in the habit of waiting for something amazing to happen to you, challenge yourself to find what’s wonderful in what’s around you.

    Find something to be grateful for.

      One of the fastest ways to fall in love with your life is to look for things for which you’re grateful. Take time to celebrate these aspects of your life. We’re the meaning makers of our life. If we don’t create the meaning, appreciate the little thing, or feel gratitude for what is, then regardless of how good it really gets nothing is going to feel that special.
      So, how do you get started? It’s actually fairly simple. Take a moment during breakfast or dinner to turn to a loved one or friend and tell them one thing you’re grateful for/ excited about/ intrigued by from your day. Or, you can keep a gratitude journal where you write down three things that happened during the day that you thought were special. Another approach is to tell one person per week how grateful you are for them or something they’ve done. The great thing here is that when you express your gratitude, you feel good and those around you feel appreciated and noticed. It’s a win for all involved.

    Try to be intentional.

      It takes intention to approach your day-to-day life from a place of gratitude. While this mind-set can take a little bit of practice, more often than not it really just requires that we be aware of what we want. When we’re feeling bored or checked out, that’s our reminder to check back in with our intention.
      Here are some tips to move through your day with intention. When you wake up each morning, think about how you would like to go through the day. How would you like to feel as you move through it? If there’s an aspect of your day that you anticipate will be challenging, see if you can come up with a way to go through it that’s ideal for you.

    As you go forward, you can build on and develop these skills so that you can add more enjoyment to your life. But, don’t worry if you have some days where you feel flat. It’s normal. Remember that you can always wake up tomorrow and ask yourself, “what would I like today to be like?

    The Benefits of Being Vulnerable

    The Benefits of Being Vulnerable

    Brene Brown caused a big stir when she stood up and started talking about her own vulnerability. As she candidly put it in her TED talk, she did not think that she was supposed to feel vulnerable. Only to discover, that she actually was missing out on some of the best of life—namely intimacy—by being unwilling to surrender to being vulnerable. I am so grateful for her efforts to make the world a little more real and a little more humane.

    It takes a lot of discipline to open up when you feel threatened but that is just what vulnerability asks us to do. It asks us to let go of our pride –our need to be right—and open to the greater truth of ourselves, the other, and the situation. When we are vulnerable we loose the stranglehold of our lesser selves. Vulnerability requires that we are able rely on a much deeper and stronger part of our self –one that is not caught up in our ego.

    Let me describe the process:

    It happens all the time! I get myself into a situation where I can feel myself armoring up. I feel judged, disrespected, misunderstood. It does not matter what the specific situation is, really. Just that I can feel it coming on. This intense desire to protect myself -sometimes, at all cost. My heartbeat goes up, my muscles tense, my thoughts start running away, taking my rational self with them.

    I know that nothing good can come with this approach but, it is so automatic sometimes. Can you relate?

    It takes everything I’ve got to remember that my reaction is causing the problem not protecting me from it. I remember I have nothing to lose but my pride and I let go. My breath deepens. My muscles soften. I can feel my heart open up. NOW, I can make something good happen.

    Now let’s break it down step by step:

    • Recognize that you are triggered (i.e. having a reaction)
    • Stay conscious enough to minimize your reaction and not escalate the situation
    • Remove yourself if necessary
    • Let off steam if necessary. Vent but recognize that it is not the truth of the situation.
    • Look for the real reason you are upset. (hint it has little to do with the situation)
    • Give yourself love, understanding, and acceptance.
    • Tease out the parts of your experience that are blame, victimhood, and denial. Simply name them for what they are.
    • Give yourself love, understanding, and acceptance (You need to keep doing this ☺)
    • Remember what you really truly want to see happen with this other person.
    • Re approach from that perspective

    Why is this important?

    I am going to give you two reasons why this is so critical to our overall fulfillment in life. First, we are unable to develop real relationships that are deeply caring and intimate if we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Second, if we need to pretend that we are not vulnerable then our whole life becomes a charade. We have to work all the time to keep up appearances and in short that makes us miserable.

    Short and sweet summary: If you want to be happy, learn how to be vulnerable.

    Tune into this weeks Real Answers Radio for more on how to create meaningful relationships through vulnerability. The show is always live and your questions are always welcome!

    Tips For Being Your Personal Best

    Tips For Being Your Personal Best

    I learned after years of working my tail off that if I did not take care of myself one of two things was going to happen. Either I was going to lose my health or I was going to lose in terms of my results. Self-care became my battle cry where as before I would sneer a little bit at people that talked about self-care thinking “How bourgeois!” Little did I know that I would be biting my tongue!

    Not only did I learn the merits of self-care but I also learned that it was not as easy to get and keep on track with as I thought. In other words, the biggest tip for being your personal best is: Self Care, Self Care, Self Care!

    Self Care is an investment in our personal resources. Whether what you demand of yourself is large or small you need to take care of your most important tool – you. Here are a list of 10 self care tools that you can use to be your personal best:

    1. Move your body/ Feed your body. Both movement and nutrition in balance create optimal self care. Learn to lovingly and joyfully move your body. Dance, do yoga, stretch, walk or even exercise. Feed yourself everything that your body needs to be healthy. If you are not sure what this is start by drinking more water and eating more greens.
    2. Take time in nature and with animals. Both of these experiences have a wonderful effect on us. It helps us destress and relax. If you can’t get out in nature, go to a local park, or get a plant (or two or three!). As far as spending time with animals, their playful and loving ways are a particularly healing form of self care. While there is little substitute for the real thing, you can always supplement with some photos or videos.
    3. Unplug and watch less TV. We are wired 24/7 these days. We go to sleep and wake up with our first things being smartphones and TV’s. If you have not already adopted a technology diet, putting one in place can have a fabulous effect on you.
    4. Be less negative and be around negative people less. It takes two to tango and if you are negative then chances are the people you are around are too and vice versa. Take some time to work on yourself first. Change the way you think and speak and then start making choices to be around people who reflect that.
    5. Let go of grudges. Nothing pulls you down more than uncleared anger and resentment towards others. The only person you are hurting with your negative thinking is you. People can be short-sighted and make mistakes but holding on to the mistakes is the biggest one of all.
    6. Spend time with awesome friends. Spending time with people you love and especially doing fun activities and laughing is a wonderful way to relax and connect – two important elements of self care.
    7. Mental Hygiene. Obsessive thinking and worry are so commonplace that people think they are normal. While common for sure, these are not healthy patterns. Learn to stop yourself when you are on a tear. Simply say “Stop” and focus your mind on something more pleasant or productive.
    8. Make A Difference. Being of Service in the world is a powerful way to feel better. It gives us a sense of meaning and we get the benefit of making other people happy. Take a weekend to volunteer at a food bank, Habitat for Humanity or any other cause that calls to you.  Put some good energy in the world.
    9. Emotional Hygiene Sometimes you just need to clean the pipes. If you have a lot of built up emotion or if you have been dealing with a lot of stress, the best self care might be throwing a fit. Lie down on your bed and kick and hit with your arms and legs. Scream if it feels right. It may sound silly but after you will feel like a million bucks.
    10. Gratitude Nothing changes your attitude like gratitude. Take a moment every day to write or state at least three things that you are grateful for. So many of us have so much to be thankful for. Remember this is a form of self care.

    What are some ways that you care for yourself? Please share below!

    Alignment and Resonance: Finding your way to your purpose

    Alignment and Resonance: Finding your way to your purpose

    The day that I reached the 300k mark in my business I didn’t feel happy. I had been frequently attending fancy events staying in fancy hotels –you know the kind with really large water features, perfect gardens, and extremely polite staff –the kind who say “can I do anything else for you miss” right after they have done anything for you. I had a book published. People were seeking me out for my expertise daily. I was on my way to the big time!

    I did not feel happy because it was not in alignment with who I am. I love healthy organic food, funky boutique hotels, intimate and powerful events. I love things that feed my soul not just my wallet. I am in business so that I can go to a balmy tropical island in the winter and feel the sand on my bare toes, so that I can continue to learn what is going on on the cutting edge of my field. I am in business so that I can create quality. I truly believe that business can have the power to change the world and what is more, I know some key things that entrepreneurs like you are missing when it comes to creating your very own business.

    I was not paying attention the way I needed to be. I was too busy doing. The answer to fix this problem is coming back into alignment.

    Alignment is when who you are and what you are about is unobstructed by thoughts, emotions or experiences. A simple way to say it is: You are thinking, feeling and doing what is right for you. Not right based on what your ego might want but right for you from the place deep inside –the deepest truest part of who you are.

    A definition of alignment is a position of agreement or alliance.

    It is also possible to describe alignment by the saying that the inner and outer are in agreement. They are mutually supportive. One of the ways that we can tell if there is alignment is through the experience of resonance.

    While resonance can be used to direct ourselves in other ways, it can help us now if we are on the right track by giving us that feeling of “home” or “rightness.”

    In physics, resonance is “A phenomenon that consists of a given system being driven by another vibrating system or by external forces to oscillate with greater amplitude at some preferential frequencies.”

    Again, another way to put this is that when you are in the presence of something or someone that is resonant there is an effect that happens.  Something on the outside of you resounds with something on the inside of you letting you know that there is an agreeable relationship.

    You can use this experience to help you make choices in all parts of our life.

    Here is the trick. Often, we do not have contact with the deepest and truest part of ourselves and so we need to develop that as well. Here are some ways to listen to what is truly important about who you are and what you are desiring:

    1. Meditate: Learn to see your mental and emotional chatter as simply that and not who you are.
    2. Pay attention: to what it feels like to be in an environment that you at least guess is ideal for you.
    3. Know with more than your mind. Your heart and your gut are great resources for staying on track.

    4. Watch what happens: Be an observer of your life. You will learn a ton!


    As with most consciousness skills, observation is the starting point. They require that you pay attention to what is often overlooked. Slowing things down or taking pauses throughout your day can help immensely when growing these skills. And these skills can help immensely in growing a more successful and fulfilled life.

    Like this topic? Join me for more on alignment and resonance on this weeks Real Answers Radio. The show is live and I would love for you to call in with your thoughts and questions!